Red Reporter - This Year in This Week in JPEGs TournamentAAAA Affiliate of the Cincinnati Redshttps://cdn.vox-cdn.com/community_logos/30447/favicon.ico2014-02-26T08:09:01-05:00http://www.redreporter.com/rss/stream/45853652014-02-26T08:09:01-05:002014-02-26T08:09:01-05:00This Week in JPEGs Tournament: Winner!!
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<figcaption>Picture courtesy of me, you idiots</figcaption>
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<p>You have suffered enough. It's over. Rest now, little pigeons. </p> <p>The history of all hitherto existing blogholes is the history of this JPEG. We can all stop the internet right now and close the book on the 2013 season, because you, the internet electorati, have spoken. The best stupid picture that I drew about the 2013 season is:</p>
<h4><i>Joey Votto is Batman</i></h4>
<p><a target="_blank" href="http://cdn3.sbnation.com/assets/3297249/joeyvottoisbatman.jpg"><img src="http://cdn2.sbnation.com/assets/3297249/joeyvottoisbatman_medium.jpg" class="photo" alt="Joeyvottoisbatman_medium"></a></p>
<p>He is the hero Cincinnati needs right now, not the one we deserve.</p>
<p>This means more or less nothing, really. I mean, except that I wasted an embarrassing amount of my precious, precious life working on this project and you a significant portion of your somewhat-less precious life reading it.</p>
<p>But now, 2013 is over, and today your Cincinnati Reds take the field in their first spring training game of 2014. So we can let baseball wash over us and help us forget about just how much of our collective lives we have wasted. Hooray!</p>
<p>I want to thank you all for indulging me on this little project. We'll kick this up all over again when the new season starts, so be on the lookout for that, if you like.</p>
https://www.redreporter.com/2014/2/26/5449064/this-week-in-jpegs-tournament-winnerCharlie Scrabbles2014-02-20T14:00:04-05:002014-02-20T14:00:04-05:00This Week in JPEGs Tournament: FINAL
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<figcaption>Picture courtesy of me, you idiots</figcaption>
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<p>Who will be the #FaceofJPEGs?</p> <p>Well, this is something. We had a tie for second place in the last vote. There was some talk that the two Billy JPEGs might split votes, so <i>Billy Goes to Outer Space</i>! has been dropped. <i>Joey Votto is Batman</i> took a goodly share of the votes, but now that you have a bit more information about the strength of the candidates, you could engage in some strategic voting.</p>
<h4>
<i>Joey Votto is Batman </i>(40% of the vote last round)<br>
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<h4></h4>
<p><a href="http://cdn1.sbnation.com/imported_assets/2068961/joeyvottoisbatman_medium.jpg"><img src="http://cdn0.sbnation.com/imported_assets/2068961/joeyvottoisbatman_medium_medium.jpg" class="photo" alt="Joeyvottoisbatman_medium_medium"></a></p>
<h4>
<i>Billy Hamilton's Stupefying Speed</i> (22% of the vote last round)</h4>
<h4></h4>
<p><a href="http://cdn0.sbnation.com/imported_assets/2068973/runbillyrun_medium.jpg"><img src="http://cdn3.sbnation.com/imported_assets/2068973/runbillyrun_medium_medium.jpg" class="photo" alt="Runbillyrun_medium_medium"></a></p>
<h4>
<i>Tony Cingrani's Terrifying Pitchface</i> (22% of the vote last round)<br>
</h4>
<p><a href="http://cdn0.sbnation.com/imported_assets/2068991/cingranisupersaiyanpitchface_medium.jpg"><img src="http://cdn0.sbnation.com/imported_assets/2068991/cingranisupersaiyanpitchface_medium_medium.jpg" class="photo" alt="Cingranisupersaiyanpitchface_medium_medium"></a></p>
https://www.redreporter.com/2014/2/20/5429840/this-week-in-jpegs-tournament-finalCharlie Scrabbles2014-02-18T08:01:06-05:002014-02-18T08:01:06-05:00This Week in JPEGs Tournament: THE FINAL COUNTDOWN
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<figcaption>picture courtesy of me, you idiots</figcaption>
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<p>The Finally Four</p> <p>So we are down to our last four entrants in this whole stupid thing. Instead of a straight-up semi-final and final set-up, I have decided (because I think it will be more fun) to have a vote for all four first, and then a run-off with the top two vote-getters after that. Basically, it hit me that it should have been this way from the very beginning and I could have saved myself a lot of work, but whatever. It's not like I signed Jonathan Broxton for three years or something like that.</p>
<h4><i>Tony Cingrani's Terrifying Pitchface</i></h4>
<p>Fellas, imagine wearing a t-shirt with this picture on it. All of the ladies will want to make whoopie with you! Because I'm pretty sure that's how this works.</p>
<p>Ladies, imagine wearing a t-shirt with this picture on it. All of the fellas will finally look you in the eyes! Because they will show you the respect you deserve.</p>
<p><a href="http://cdn1.sbnation.com/imported_assets/2065167/cingranisupersaiyanpitchface_medium.jpg"><img src="http://cdn0.sbnation.com/imported_assets/2065167/cingranisupersaiyanpitchface_medium_medium.jpg" class="photo" alt="Cingranisupersaiyanpitchface_medium_medium"></a></p>
<h4><i>Billy Hamilton's Stupefying Speed</i></h4>
<p>Two of the final four entrants are Billy Hamilton pictures. I think you guys must really like the way I draw him or something.</p>
<p><a href="http://cdn3.sbnation.com/imported_assets/2065179/runbillyrun_medium.jpg"><img src="http://cdn0.sbnation.com/imported_assets/2065179/runbillyrun_medium_medium.jpg" class="photo" alt="Runbillyrun_medium_medium"></a></p>
<p> </p>
<h4><i>Joey Votto is Batman</i></h4>
<h4></h4>
<p>Every time I look at this one, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9kCCLwEga8" target="_blank">this song plays in my head</a>. I know it's a different super hero but shut up it's cool.</p>
<p><a href="http://cdn1.sbnation.com/imported_assets/2065185/joeyvottoisbatman_medium.jpg"><img src="http://cdn2.sbnation.com/imported_assets/2065185/joeyvottoisbatman_medium_medium.jpg" class="photo" alt="Joeyvottoisbatman_medium_medium"></a></p>
<h4><i>Billy Goes to Outer Space!</i></h4>
<p>We find our hero, <i><b>SPACEMAN SPEEDS</b></i>, interplanetary base-stealer extraordinaire, hovering beyond the outer reaches of the Klermanerblise Nebula after catapulting himself into orbit by running up Tal's Hill in Houston. ZOUNDS!! He has been spotted by one of the dreaded toilet-beings of the planet Cardinallis! <i>WILL THIS BE THE END!!??</i></p>
<p><a href="http://cdn2.sbnation.com/imported_assets/2065209/billyinorbit_medium.jpg"><img src="http://cdn1.sbnation.com/imported_assets/2065209/billyinorbit_medium_medium.jpg" class="photo" alt="Billyinorbit_medium_medium"></a></p>
https://www.redreporter.com/2014/2/18/5420478/this-week-in-jpegs-tournament-redsCharlie Scrabbles2014-02-16T10:01:01-05:002014-02-16T10:01:01-05:00This Week in JPEGs Tournament: Match 24
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<figcaption>picture courtesy of me, you idiots</figcaption>
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<p>Billy Goes to Outer Space vs. BP goes to the All-Star Game</p> <h4>Billy Goes to Outer Space!</h4>
<p>This one has it all, really. Trains, outer space. That's all of it.</p>
<p><a href="http://cdn0.sbnation.com/assets/3255729/billyinorbit.jpg" target="_blank"><img alt="Billyinorbit_medium" class="photo" src="http://cdn1.sbnation.com/assets/3255729/billyinorbit_medium.jpg"></a></p>
<h4>Swaggin' with @DatDudeBP at the All-Star Game</h4>
<p>Troy Tulowitzki actually showed up twice in this year's collection of JPEGs. I think that's some kind of record for a non-Red who isn't in reality a toilet.</p>
<p><a href="http://cdn3.sbnation.com/assets/2929345/beepallstarcartoon.jpg" target="_blank"><img alt="Beepallstarcartoon_medium" class="photo" src="http://cdn1.sbnation.com/assets/2929345/beepallstarcartoon_medium.jpg"></a> <br id="1392407950050"></p>
https://www.redreporter.com/2014/2/16/5412328/this-week-in-jpegs-tournament-match-24Charlie Scrabbles2014-02-15T10:00:03-05:002014-02-15T10:00:03-05:00This Week In JPEGs Tournamnent: Match 23
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<figcaption>picture courtesy of me, you idiots</figcaption>
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<p>It's a three-way. And not the cool Bronson Arroyo kind.</p> <p>Last round, <a target="_blank" href="http://www.redreporter.com/2014/2/7/5390036/this-week-in-jpegs-tournament-reds">we had a tie</a>. Instead of trying really hard -- or really, at all -- to figure a way to break the tie, I just let both entrants through to the next round. There's not a thing that you or anyone (not even Charles Barkley) can do about it. Well, I suppose you could vote. That would be doing something, right?</p>
<h4>Homer Slays Goliath</h4>
<p><a href="http://cdn2.sbnation.com/assets/2879739/homerslaysgoliath.jpg" target="_blank"><img alt="Homerslaysgoliath_medium" class="photo" src="http://cdn2.sbnation.com/assets/2879739/homerslaysgoliath_medium.jpg"></a></p>
<h4>Juicebox Hero (Stars in his Eyes)</h4>
<p><a href="http://cdn1.sbnation.com/assets/3126547/hi-z.jpg" target="_blank"><img alt="Hi-z_medium" class="photo" src="http://cdn2.sbnation.com/assets/3126547/hi-z_medium.jpg"></a></p>
<h4>Joey Votto is Batman</h4>
<p>So if Joey Votto is Batman and this is the DC Universe, who might the other Reds be? I figure Jay Bruce is Superman because of America. I don't know any other characters in DC because I never read comic books. The end.</p>
<p><a href="http://cdn0.sbnation.com/assets/3297249/joeyvottoisbatman.jpg" target="_blank"><img alt="Joeyvottoisbatman_medium" class="photo" src="http://cdn0.sbnation.com/assets/3297249/joeyvottoisbatman_medium.jpg"></a> <br id="1392407720397"></p>
https://www.redreporter.com/2014/2/15/5412278/this-week-in-jpegs-tournamnent-match-23Charlie Scrabbles2014-02-14T15:00:01-05:002014-02-14T15:00:01-05:00This Week in JPEGs Tournament: Match 22
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<figcaption>picture courtesy of me, you idiots</figcaption>
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<p>Yadi Molina: Shit Can vs. Billy Hamilton: Tornado</p> <h4>Yadi Molina is a Toilet</h4>
<p>This is where things start to get real serious, y'all. Up to this point, this has been little more than a self-indulgent exercise with poorly drawn cartoons, but this is the time that separates the women from the girls. If Charles Barkley had anything to do with this, he'd be really anxious, probably.</p>
<p><a target="_blank" href="http://cdn2.sbnation.com/assets/2790405/yaditoilet.jpg"><img src="http://cdn3.sbnation.com/assets/2790405/yaditoilet_medium.jpg" class="photo" alt="Yaditoilet_medium"></a></p>
<h4>The Hamiltornado</h4>
<p>The debris, my Lord, the debris! Billy Hamilton is so fast that one time when he stole second base he whipped up such a twister that everyone holding a cup of beer in the stands lost their cups of beer and then all the cups flew around the ballpark and then when the dust settled they had all been stacked neatly in a cup pyramid and then that cute girl sang that cup song.</p>
<p>It's getting really difficult for me to find new and interesting ways to introduce these pictures. Also, look at Matt Carpenter there being all dumb. What a dummy.</p>
<p><a target="_blank" href="http://cdn1.sbnation.com/assets/3167397/runbillyrun.jpg"><img src="http://cdn0.sbnation.com/assets/3167397/runbillyrun_medium.jpg" class="photo" alt="Runbillyrun_medium"></a> <br id="1392406414661"></p>
https://www.redreporter.com/2014/2/14/5412226/this-week-in-jpegs-tournament-match-22Charlie Scrabbles2014-02-14T08:00:20-05:002014-02-14T08:00:20-05:00This Week in JPEGs Tournament: Match 21
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<figcaption>picture courtesy of me, you idiots</figcaption>
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<p>Cingraniface vs. Sweep the Dodgers</p> <h4>Tony Cingrani's Terrifying Pitchface</h4>
<p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LaaYSJ0Tn68&feature=kp">THIS IS A JPEG ABOUT A SUPER PITCHER NAMED TONY. IT'S CALL TONY'S FACE.</a></p>
<p><a href="http://cdn3.sbnation.com/assets/2819765/cingranisupersaiyanpitchface.jpg" target="_blank"><img alt="Cingranisupersaiyanpitchface_medium" class="photo" src="http://cdn2.sbnation.com/assets/2819765/cingranisupersaiyanpitchface_medium.jpg"></a></p>
<h4>Reds Sweep Up Dodgers</h4>
<p>The Dodgers are garbage they are all trying to be like the Yankees of the National League or the West Coast or something but the thing is they don't have a real legit captain that can set the tone and show them all how to act and play like professionals GOSH I can't believe Jeter is retiring I think I'm gonna cry like actually really cry and I never cry the last time I cried was at my grandpa's funeral because he was like a real inspiration to me and he taught me how to drive the riding mower and that really meant a lot to me like we bonded with dumb stuff like that I don't know.</p>
<p>And now everything in baseball for the next year is going to be about Derek Jeter. Fuck.</p>
<p><a href="http://cdn2.sbnation.com/imported_assets/2059409/sweepdodgers_medium_medium.jpg"><img alt="Sweepdodgers_medium_medium_medium" class="photo" src="http://cdn0.sbnation.com/imported_assets/2059409/sweepdodgers_medium_medium_medium.jpg"></a></p>
https://www.redreporter.com/2014/2/14/5409848/this-week-in-jpegs-tournament-redsCharlie Scrabbles2014-02-12T13:30:04-05:002014-02-12T13:30:04-05:00This Week in JPEGs Tournament: Match 20
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<figcaption>picture courtesy of me, you idiots</figcaption>
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<p>D-Rob and BroYo vs. Swaggin' DatDude</p> <h4>D-Rob's Juggling Catch, Bronson Celebrates</h4>
<p>This was your <a target="_blank" href="http://www.redreporter.com/2014/1/14/5301744/this-week-in-jpegs-tournament-reds/in/4585365">Match 11 winner</a>, defeating the neo-Cubist (/rolls eyes)<i> Votto's Reaction</i>. I have to say, looking back at this in the wake of the official BroYo defection to the D'backs makes me feel all kinds of bad things. It's funny, because I was a vocal proponent of trading Arroyo for something like six straight years. He's gonna fall apart any day, you know? But now that he's really actually gone, I'm gonna miss the skeezer. Because there aren't many fellas in baseball so ripe for parody like this.</p>
<p><a href="http://cdn2.sbnation.com/assets/2958991/drobcatchbronsoncelebrate.jpg" target="_blank"><img alt="Drobcatchbronsoncelebrate_medium" class="photo" src="http://cdn1.sbnation.com/assets/2958991/drobcatchbronsoncelebrate_medium.jpg"></a></p>
<h4>Swaggin' with @DatDudeBP at the All-Star Game</h4>
<p>Dang, this feels like a million years ago. I hate the winter so dang much. You know what I've noticed? I say "dang" way more in the winter time than I do in any other season. Dang, that's depressing. Come back, Smilin' BeePer and baseball. I miss you so dang much.</p>
<p><a href="http://cdn3.sbnation.com/assets/2929345/beepallstarcartoon.jpg" target="_blank"><img alt="Beepallstarcartoon_medium" class="photo" src="http://cdn2.sbnation.com/assets/2929345/beepallstarcartoon_medium.jpg"></a> <br id="1392228914918"></p>
https://www.redreporter.com/2014/2/12/5405126/this-week-in-jpegs-tournament-redsCharlie Scrabbles