The last time the Cincinnati Reds started 3-16

I know it seems as if it’s been eons since the Cincinnati Reds, who sit at 3-16 on this season, last opened a season with a measly 3-16 record. Back when Little Caesar’s would give you two pizzas when you ordered one, tucked neatly in a stapled paper bag instead of a box. Back when you could roll up to a Blockbuster Video in your Ford Taurus wagon and spend the next 45 minutes with your head cocked at a 90 degree angle so as to read the DVD titles from bottom to top, only to finally find a title you’d like to watch that night that didn’t have the blockbuster case behind it.

It had been checked out. 3-16 starts to seasons cause a lot of checking out, too.

It wasn’t actually that long ago, of course. It was just back in 2018, though given everything through which we have lived in the last two years, even that does have a hint of eon-dom to it.

Having those kinds of inauspicious starts sandwiched so close together does put the Reds in some pretty exclusive territory, however. I reached out yesterday to Former Fearless Leader Slyde about just that fact, wondering just how seldom singular franchises have posted futility as abhorrent as the Reds in these last five years, and he promptly got back to me with the results. They aren’t pretty.

That’s a woof from me, dawg.

Anyway, today is once again Friday, and on Fridays we list here at Red Reporter. Now that the 2022 Reds are forever tied to the illustrious 2018 Reds for their futility, here’s an incomplete list of some of the Reds that donned the jersey during that 2018 season, some of whom you either forgot about completely or actively tried hard to forget.

Rosell Herrera

Blake Trahan

Kevin Quackenbush

Yovani Gallardo

Zack Weiss

Toad the Kyle Crockett

Austin Brice

Preston Tucker

Cliff Pennington

Keury Mella

Phil Gosselin

Gabby Guerrero

Jackson Stephens

Matt Harvey

Tony Cruz

Tim Federowicz

Mason Williams

Joey Votto