Cincinnati stuck in funk so thick not even Bootsy can find the groove

I do often wonder what’s going through the mind of Joey Votto. More often than not, it’s the nebulous of the theoretical world in which I try to place my thoughts next to his, seeing as he’s one of the more introspective, investigative players not only of his generation, but of the last century of professional baseball continent-wide.

These days, though, I wonder about him in a Talking Heads way. My god, how did I get here?

Before the novel concept of simply listing all of the 2021 Cincinnati Reds who no longer are on the roster due to ownership frugality and fly-by-pants-seat trades had exhausted itself, we’re now witnessing a roster crisis of those select few 2022 Cincinnati Reds still around erupt in a cataclysm whose tsunami ripple effect has thrust some of the single most miserable baseball ever witnessed upon us.

The hitters can’t hit, at least those who are still around to try. The pitchers can’t pitch, at least those who are still around to try. The injured list cannot stomach much more, the infirmary and PT wards already stuffed to the gills. On top of that, Joey himself looks as lost as at any time I can remember.

It’s not lost on me that the only member of the Reds who has done anything at all of note lately is Tommy Pham, who is doing so while a) fueled by the boos raining down on him from the San Diego fans who didn’t get what they wanted to him last year and b) is doing so after starting the season as the worst of the bad bunch, his 0 for twenty-whatever beginning to his Reds campaign nearly a modern franchise record.

Jonathan India and Mike Moustakas both landed on the IL today. Nick Senzel, who was activated off the IL yesterday, still has not started since being activated (though he did pinch-hit tonight well after the die was cast). And when Tyler Stephenson exited in the Bottom of the 1st inning after a brutal collision at home plate with hulking behemoth Luke Voit, almost all of the lasting interest still held in this franchise nearly evaporated out my sinuses and ears and into the void.

The Reds lost again tonight, this time in 6-2 fashion. I don’t remember how many in a row that is, but it’s a lot. I don’t know how bad their record is right now, but it’s the worst. I don’t know if it’s going to get better tomorrow, but it’s probably not, with the best of the reinforcements still at least a week (if not more) away.

About the only thing I really wish I could do at this juncture is to have this entire article printed on a pile of corn flakes and served to Phil Castellini for breakfast over and over and over again, each and every morning as he sips his coffee and checks his precious bitcoins. Chomp chomp chomp, don’t let them get soggy, Phil.

It’s an afternoon game tomorrow (or today, if you’re reading this in Eastern Time). At least you won’t have to stay up until dawn to find out the latest, greatest updates about your Reds tomorrow.

Eugenio Suarez homered for Seattle again tonight (or yesterday, if you’re reading this in Eastern Time).

Go Reds.