If you happened to scour the media channels late yesterday evening, you may have stumbled across the first (and, to my eyes, only) attempt made by the ownership of the Cincinnati Reds to justify just what they’ve been up to for the last calendar year. Y’know, that whole rip the guts out of a once-decent baseball team stuff, slashing payroll and overhauling the entire roster while insisting they were neither ripping the guts out of a once-decent baseball team nor overhauling the entire roster.
In what appeared to be something of a pre-scripted PR piece, Bob Castellini spoke with voice of the Reds Tommy Thrall, at one point going on record to say “It is simply untrue that our resolve to win has waned in any way. I really want our fans to hear that directly from me.”
Well Bob, a lot of your fans have something they’d like you to hear directly from them, too. And, in honor of that burgeoning wave, this Friday we’re going to provide you with an incomplete list of ways you can request that Bob be relieved of the burden of claiming ownership of a billion-dollar entity.
Hawk the squad, Bob!
Mightn’t ye be willing to peddle thou’s baseball wares, m’lord?
You’ve got to know when to hold ‘em, Bob. Know when to fold ‘em. Know when to walk away, Bob. Know when to run.
¡Venda el equipo, Bob!
Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present should sell the team, Bob.
‘Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It’s hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It’s round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you’ve got about a hundred years here. There’s only one rule that I know of, babies — “God damn it, you’ve got to sell the team, Bob.”’
When you play the game of thrones, you win or you sell the team, Bob.
Bobbie C, take the money and run!
My advice is, never do tomorrow what you can do today. Procrastination is the thief of time. Sell the team, Bob.
Carpe diem. Sell the team, Bob. Make your life extraordinary!
A million dollars isn’t cool. You know what’s cool? A billion dollars. Sell the team, Bob.
Oh, the places you’ll go! You’ll be on your way up! You’ll be seeing great sights! You’ll join the high fliers who soar to high heights if you sell the team, Bob!
There’s a GoFundMe that has been set up by our friends at The Riverfront, one whose purpose is to run a digital billboard ad in Cincinnati that will ask Bob Castellini to sell the team. Prompt him, even. If you’ve got a few bucks, enjoy a little entropy, and possibly occupied various administration buildings while in college, maybe chip in.