Regardless of how much negative vibes the Reds put out in the world (They’ve had seven winning months in the last seven years or so), Red Reporter has always been a good place to channel those vague existential frustrations into something much more valuable: entertainment for your fellow travellers.
The best thing about Red Reporter is that it isn’t about the baseball.
Who the hell are you?
How did you get here?
What is the best snack? That is, something you can eat with very little or no preparation. An apple, for example, counts. You can pluck that off the tree and snack the hell out of it. Most fruits and such are like this. Fudge Rounds and Star Crunch, though categorically different in every conceivable respect, are also in play. Alls you gots to do is unwrap it (though even that ain’t strictly necessary if conditions are right). That is snackability defined.
Did you have a favorite non-Red growing up? Who and why?
You are the expeditionary captain of the last settler colony launched from Earth in the year 2421. When your consciousness emerges from digital storage and your body is set out on the counter to thaw like a can of orange juice concentrate, the note on the fridge says the first thing you gotta do is make sure your fledgling humanitarian project has edifying stories to tell and heroes to worship. So you have to go on Wikipedia and download three biographies of any three people in history and then build statues in their honor so the people have some psychosocial anchor for their society. Who you got?
What is the best meal? Breakfast, Brunch, Lunch, or Supper/Dinner?
Is it supper or dinner?
Who is your favorite current Red?
If given the opportunity and immunity from consequences, would you kick Bob Castellini in the butt or in the dick?
Coffee on a summer morning: do you still drink it hot?