Homer-happy Reds pound Cardinals 12-1 in series opener

The Joe Nuxhall Memorial Honorary Star of the Game

Well, considering we’ve been largely waiting for the slumbering Cincinnati Reds offense to stop slapping the snooze button and finally, y’know, wake the hell up, it was quite a refreshing sign to see the ol’ Red-bats do some thumping on Friday night - especially in a series opening road game against the St. Louis Cardinals.

The Reds got dingers from each of Jose Peraza, Eugenio Suarez, Jesse Winker, Joey Votto, and Yasiel Puig, and if you do a nice little squint at those four names you’ll probably say to yourself ‘oh good, that should pretty much be the heart of this offense!’

It’s been an odd turn of events, this season thus far. An outing like the one poured in by starter Anthony DeSclafani in any of the last billion four years would’ve been headline news in these parts, but instead his 6 IP of scoreless ball has been summarily relegated to paragraph three of this here section despite Disco being otherwise brilliant. So it goes, it would appear, but that’s certainly a nice recipe for a pummeling 6-1 victory.

Honorable Mentions are due to: Curt Casali, who went 3 for 5 with 4 ribbies; David Hernandez, who didn’t pitch tonight but has a way of bringing out his supporters in comment sections despite recaps needing to be posted free of charge super late at night after rain delays; Dylan Floro, who apparently willed his brief Red Reporter Comment Section Commando Bobblehead [TM] to Hernandez, much to our surprise; and Tone Dawg, who is the Tone Bloggiest regardless of comment sections.

Key Plays

• Top of the 1st, fans still filtering into their seats, the smell of popcorn and hot dog juice in the air...and Eugenio Suarez bonks a solo dinger. Reds led, 1-0.
• Top of the 4th, Cardinals fans who watched the games in Monterrey stirring as to why they haven’t tagged Disco yet...and Jesse Winker honks a healthy meatstick over the wall in CF to put the Reds up, 2-0. The fun part here, too, is that the Reds weren’t done that inning, as Casali later singled in Jose Iglesias to make it 3-0.
• Top of the 5th, Joey Votto strides the to the plate all Joey Votto-like, Joey Vottoing around the place...and then Joey Vottos a solo dinger into the bullpen beyond the RF wall to pmake it 4-0.
• Top of the 8th, we’re here at RR Headquarters taking bets on both ‘which Red will crush the next homer’ and ‘Mario Tennis doubles on Nintendo 64,’ when lo and behold, Yasiel Puig smoked a 2-run dong to CF to make it 6-1. The Cardinals scored a run in there somewhere, but this is a dinger party, so I decidely dooo noooottt caaaare.
• By the time Peraza chipped in with his solo moop down the LF line in the Top of the 9th, the game was decidedly done being afoot, but seeing the struggling hip-hip finally knock the snot out of another one was such a refreshing sign. Singles from Votto, Winker, and Puig then began a cavalcade of offensive destruction later in the 9th, with a 2-out double from Casali eventually clearing the bases as the big-knock that left the Reds ahead, 12-1.
• That, folks, is how we wrapped. Reds won, 12-1!

Tony Graphanino

Other Notes

• It’s a Saturday matinee tomorrow, as the Reds and Birds will tussle with first pitch set for 2:15 PM ET. Tyler Mahle will toe the rubber for Cincinnati, while St. Louis will counter with Dakota Hudson, who is both a) Hudson, D. on MLB.com and b) decidedly not Daniel Hudson.
• Tunes.