Brandon Larson Honorary Star of the Weekend
Jose “J-Lo” Lopez gets the Larson Trophy on account of his brilliant performance for the Bats on Friday night. He threw seven shutout innings while allowing just four hits and a walk. That’s a healthy WHIP right there. Dance like you are schtupping A-Rod, my man.
AAA International League
Jose “J-Lo” Lopez whirled a whizzbang of a winner, which is what done got him the thing up there on the top. “MC” DJ Peterson added three hits while Nick “Jesus died for your” Senzel knocked a pair. Dilson “Scmilson” Herrera walked three times and singled.
Senzel started at shortstop in this one for some reason. The Reds have stated that it is just a one-time thing though, so who the hell knows. He had two hits, including a homer and three RBIs. He also struck out three times.
Brandon “Not him again” Finnegan got boxed around somethin’ fierce. He made it through just 42⁄3 innings and gave up seven hits and seven runs, including two home runs and four walks. That is ugly as hell. Confederate Colonel Jackson Stephens finished the game admirably, throwing 31⁄3 scoreless and striking out five.
Sandinista Gabriel Guerrero had one hell of a game, cracking three hits including a homer and a double. He also drove in three. Chadwick “Gomper Stomper” Tromp had himself a game too with three hits. The man of the match however was Cody “The Drunken Swede” Reed. He threw seven solid innings of one-run baseball, a solo home run the only blemish on his line.
AA Southern League
The Wahoos’ pitchers teamed up for a stout one-hit shut out in this one, led by “Single-cup coffee abomination” Keury Mella. Mella went five, “Dominican Family” Robinson Leyer went three, and Joel “Slyde” Bender tossed the ninth. Which was good, because they lost the next two.
Aristides “Lysistrata” Aquino cracked a solo home run, which was just about the only thing the ‘hoos could muster in this one. The BayBears’ bullpen held them hitless for the final 42⁄3.
The Cuban Commissar Vladimir Gutierrez threw a good game, getting six innings of three-hit ball with eight strike outs. Brian “champion cyclist Stuart” O’Grady knocked a triple and drew a pair of walks. Wyatt “Gap Tooth” Strahan gave up the lead in the ninth and then lost the whole thing in the ten. Not a good day for him.
A+ Florida State League
The Tortugas were off all weekend for the All-Star break, but they had a few reps for the North team in the game on Saturday. “Tay-Tay” Taylor Trammell, TJ I. Friedls, “No Way” Mitch Nay, “The Governor’s Dog” Brantley Bell, “Ty-Ty” Tyler Stephenson, and Ryan “Guitar Hero” Hendrix were all in attendance and all played to various degrees of efficacy. Trammell singled, Nay had a pair of singles, and Hendrix retired the two batters he faced.
A- Midwest League
The Dragons got swept out of West Michigan by the Whitecaps this weekend. Friday night’s was a heart-breaker. The Whitecaps tied it in the eighth only for the Dragons to pull back ahead in the ninth on the strength of a Reshard “The Rocket” Munroe walk and stolen base paired with a WWF Superstar Randy Ventura single. Then the ‘caps came right back and walked it off in the bottom of the ninth.
Andrew “This is how we threw it” Jordan pitched admirably, getting through six innings while allowing just two runs. Ventura, “Hey yo, A-Lo” Alejo Lopez, Stuart “Good Kid” Fairchild, and Jose “Wrestles with grounders” Israel Garcia all had two hits.
This one was less eventful than Friday night’s. “Extreme Larry the Cable Guy voice” Jeter Downs hit a solo home run and Cory “threw five shutout innings in Yankee Stadium in his major-league debut” Thompson tossed two perfect relief innings. Aside from that, it was pretty much all Whitecaps
This game was much less fun than the previous two losses put together. The Dragons mustered only four hits, the best one being a JI Garcia double. Pa-a-a-a-a-acky Naughton got pulverized, throwing just 31⁄3 while giving up 11 hits and six runs. “The Spirit of Atahualpa” Miguel Aguilar made his 2018 debut, throwing 22⁄3 perfect innings with a strikeout.
The Dragons are off until Thursday with the Midwest League All-Star Game staged in Lansing, Michigan on Tuesday. Representing Dayton are Cory Thompson, John Ghyzel, Montrell Marshall, Stuart Fairchild, and Hendrik Clementina.
Rookie-level Pioneer League
It was Opening Day for the Mustangs and they gutted out the win. Pabel “Don Quixote” Manzanero tilted the windmill with a two-run home run and an RBI single. Jay Schuyler “Sisters” made his Reds’ organizational debut after being drafted in the seventh round and scratched out two hits and an RBI. The bedraggled arm of Jeremy “Daredevil” Kivel pitched the final 12⁄3 perfectly to earn the win.
Unfortunately, the pitching. And the hitting. The Mustangs managed just three singles on the day, although they did draw four walks. Jake “Sit down idiot, it’s my” Turnbull drew a pair of them and scored a run.
“Not that one. No, not that one either” Jose Castillo got shelled in two innings worth of pitching, giving up seven runs (just three earned) on five hits. It was not a fun day at the ballpark.
This one was postponed by the rain.