To Our Daily Readers: If you don’t care, skip the paragraphs and get your daily fill. Find the prairie dogs.
This is NOT for the people that read Farmers Only on a regular basis. We thank you. You're awesome. The rest is for a select few that have decided to criticize us for writing trivial humor. I’d also like to thank you for reading, we appreciate it, but still want to take a moment to explain the reason we do things the way we do.
Farmers Only is one of the oldest segments that has been written for Red Reporter, stretching back to roughly its inception. Some of the writers include Slyde (Who went on to bigger and better things) and Brandon Kraeling, managing editor of this website. People who are more intelligent and better written than I. I’ve been patronizing this wonderful slice of the internet since its infancy, way before I started commenting here, and have been writing here in now my 4th season. However, Farmers Only is the reason I started visiting here.
I’m not sure when nicknames became a regular thing, but I know exactly why they did. It’s fun. Through the monotonous drag of covering minor league baseball you get tired of seeing the same old thing day in and day out. If you can’t see the interjection of a little fun, I don’t really know what to tell you. Go fly a kite?
The point of this contrived rant is to remind people this is fun. It is fun for us and others. Laughter is one of the best things in life. You may not always get the joke, but if you get the one that makes you laugh, and you’re still informed, isn’t that still worth it? We’ve received a number of complaints about the way we’ve been writing, which has been done long before I got here and will continue.
So, here is something to dwell on.
We do this for the regular base of the website, and everyday readers that don’t comment, and people that like to watch the Reds and have a good time doing it. That’s it. It’s supposed to be enjoyable. Maybe you’ll remember remember what that feels like. I also understand our enjoyment won’t align with yours. That’s natural and expected.
We’re not making a living covering the Reds. We’re normal people with everyday jobs and families. We spend a few hours a week doing this because we find enjoyment in it, and because we know others do as well. I, and many others, will lose no sleep if you dislike our writing style and ideas. We’re the idiots you find at the bar that have some good opinions, but more often than not are too busying trying to find the joke in everything. We’re also capable of accepting criticism, but it really does come to a point.
For those of you that read us everyday and keep coming back. We thank you and hope we are finding ways for you to follow the Reds that are enjoyable to you. If it’s not us that’s fine. If you can’t appreciate a good Domingo “Ate Your Baby” joke. Well, maybe, we don’t enjoy the same cup of tea. There any many other things to read, and the first place I’d point you to is to Doug Gray’s Site which I’ve been reading since it was probably hosted by GoDaddy. That was a joke, but not at Doug’s expense. Dude has built quite the reputation. He’s exceptionally good, and we read and admire his opinions as well. We’ve always been a fan of his, and he’s always been fan of us. So, there’s my shameful plug.
The point is... this is fun. I’m not trying to drive anyone away, but I felt like we needed to give an explanation. We’re here to have fun. I hope, even in the bad times, you will join us in the amusement of the mundane and, yes, the weird. There are bright horizons with this farm system, and we’ll continue to cover it professionally, childishly , and with little humility. In the end,we’re you and you’re us. Fart jokes make us all laugh. No matter if we’re 10 or 70.
Anyway, on to the baseball, and NICKNAMES.
Sal “Made Man” Romano pitched dang well, but left in the 6th due to an injury. I’m hoping it’s minor, but I’m getting used to my hopes being dashed. He pitched 5 innings and gave up no runs. 2 hits were allowed with 2 walks, and 3 strikeouts. Romano was warming up for the 6th and the training staff removed him. That lends me to believe it could be a blister or something of the sort. He seemed to want to keep pitching. The bullpen was dirty, brown, water trash. Juan “Two Swans” Perez was 2 for 3 with a triple and a RBI. Dilson “Baby Pickle” Herrera was 2 for 4 with a double, Seth Mejias “Three String” Brean” Band was 2 for 4, and Brandon “Mason” Dixon was 2 for 3 with a double.
Lisalverto Bonilla is slated to pitch at 6:35 PM EST.
Austin “Alamo” Ross continue to shine. He pitched 6 innings of 2 run ball (1 earned) and gave up 5 hits, 2 walks, and struck out 3. The season is still young, but he has a 0.99 ERA. He’s a filler, but there is no reason to see if he can capitalize on a good start by sending him to AAA. This is the type of guy you find a good bullpen arm out of. Geoffry “Baratheon” Broussard pitched 1.2 scoreless innings while striking out 1. Blake “Mayhem” Trahan continues to find that fire with a 2 for 5 night with 2 RBI. He had a slow start, but his batting average has raised to .275. The Reds are also very high on this kid. Eric “Insane Clown Posse” Jagielo was 4 for 5 with 2 runs scored, and it would be great if the former 1st round pick would make the Chapman trade look good.
Put on your seat belts to see what Tyler Mahle will do after his perfect game at 6:35 PM CT. He’s my favorite prospect.
Jose “Th-th-that’ll Be All Folks” Lopez was fracking lights out. He pitched 6 innings and gave up a solitary run. Lopez allowed 5 hits, a walk, and 7 strikeouts. His ERA stands 2.05 ERA, and he’s pitching very well for young and highly thought of prospect. Sarkis “Shark Kiss” Ohanian pitched 2 scoreless with 3 strikeouts. Nick “Tennessee River” Senzel continues to light up a bit with a 2 for 5 night with 2 runs scored and a double. Gavin “Thy Rod and Thy Staff” LaValley continues to rake. He a his 6th dinger of the year, a 2 run shot in the 6th, in a 3 for 5 night. Scouts have been waiting on his power, and it seems to finally coming to fruition. Dude is strong. Could probably break my hands easily. Reydel “Rotel” Medina was 2 for 4 with a run scored, triple, double, and a RBI.
Vladimir Gutierrez will start the early game at 10:30 AM EST.
So, this was the worst game of the night, and that’s just fine because it’s about the kids and the funnies. Andrew “Johnson” Jordan made reason for impeachment by giving up 7 earned runs over 4 innings pitched. He’ll probably be drunk tomorrow. Hopefully, he doesn’t try and give a speech. He allowed 9 hits, 2 walks, and garnered a strikeout. Ryan “Star Spangled” Hendrix pitched 2 scoreless with 3 strikeouts. The rest of the bullpen was much like Johnson’s presidency. Bad and corrupted. Tyler “Kennesaw Mountain” Stephenson continues to show his pedigree, and possible future bat flip possibilities, with a 2 for 4 night with a RBI. His batting average is .302, and his plate discipline has been fantastic. Injuries robbed this kid of a year, but he’s showing the Reds had every reason to draft him 11th overall in the 2015 draft. Damn, that seems like a long time ago. I’m gonna have another beer and reminisce.
Anthony Santillan will take the mound at 7:00 PM EST.