Oh boy! Well, Jackson “Lit Like Stonewall” Stephens got freakin’ obliterated and it wasn’t all friendly fire. Stephens threw 3.2 innings and gave up 9 runs and 6 of them were earned. There were 6 hits, 3 walks, and 5 strikeouts. Hopefully, they don’t have to amputate. 4.1 shutout innings were combined by four pitchers from the bullpen, and they all threw at least 1 inning and all had 1 strikeout. They were Kyle “Mr. Mime” McMyne, Austin “Bryan” Brice, Louis Coleman “Keeps My Beer Cold”, and Kevin “Shackled Feet” Shackleford. Beau “Fuck Me Like An” Amaral picked up a position player inning pitched but gave up a run. Zach “Say It With A Y” Vincej was 2 for 3 with a RBI and a walk.
They have Lisalverto Bonilla listed tonight as their pitcher, but I’m pretty sure he ain’t in AAA. The game starts at 7:05 PM EST.
Keury “Spicy Food” Mella picked himself up after a poor start his last time out and pitched a gem. Mella went 6 innings and gave up only one earned run. 4 hits were allowed with 1 walk and 7 strikeouts. The bullpen was quite iffy, but Geoff “Ben” Broussard pitched a clean inning for his second save of the season. Blake “Mayhem” Trahan was 2 for 4 with 2 RBI, a run scored, and a walk. Josh “Peeder Eater” VanMeter was 2 for 5 with 2 RBI. Gabby Guerrero was 2 for 5. Eric “Faygo” Jagielo was 2 for 5 with a RBI, and Adrien Nieto was 2 for 4 with a run scored.
Deck McGuire will be on the mound at 6:35 PM CT. Inquire on some Deck seats perhaps?
Jose “Porky” Lopez was knocked around a bit but serviceable in this start. He pitched 5.1 innings a gave up 3 runs (2 earned). There were 9 hits, 1 walk, and 4 strikeouts. Wasn’t really fooling anyone. Tanner “Bitch It Ain’t” Rainey continues his perfect dominance. He struck out two in his perfect, scoreless inning. That’s now only 6 batters that have put the ball in play in 24 plate appearances. Daniel Sweet “Tooth” was 3 for 4. Narcisco “I’m Not A” Crook hit a 3 run dinger, and Nick Senzel walked twice.
Vlad Gutierrez is on the mound at 7:05 PM EST.
Wennington “Bending It Like” Romero continues to be lights out. Watch out for this kid. Seriously, keep this name in your mind. His peripherals are fantastic, he killed it in the rookie leagues last year, and he’s only 19. He’s three years younger than his average competition. He pitched 6 innings and gave up a run, but it wasn’t earned. There were 5 hits allowed, no walks, and 6 strikeouts. That’s mighty fine, and he has a 2.76 ERA right now. Jesse “James” Adams pitched 2 scoreless out of the pen and struck out 3. John “Seesaw” Sansone was 2 for 5 with a double and a RBI. James “Boring Name” Vasquez was 2 for 3 with a walk. Brantley “Ding Dong” Bell was 2 for 4 with a walk.
Ryan Olson is on the mound tonight at 7:05 PM EST.