This Week in JPEGs

Last week’s winner was titled Rerss Eherlenderf, which blew away the field and gobbled up 60% of the vote. It has earned a ticket to the state finals in beautiful New Philadelphia. Visit New Philadelphia, Ohio, one of Fodor’s Towns Located in the United States of 2013.

This week, there are also JPEGs. These JPEGs include:

Little Tiny Baby Infant Kid Robert Stephenson Throws Seven Innings

We all know the rotation has been uneven these first few weeks. Until Tuesday, the Reds were one of two teams in MLB that had yet to have a starting pitcher throw at least seven innings. But Tuesday, the little tiny baby infant kid Robert Stephenson, all of 23 weeks old, made efficient work of the Rockies’ offense. He went a full seven, giving up only three hits and a run along the way. The Rockies were left crying in their diaper pants.

JJ Hoover Sucks

In that Stephenson game, Hoover gave up a ninth-inning dinger blast to known baseball player Mark Reynolds (immortalized as your first-ever JPEG here). The Reds still won it, but dang. He did the same thing last Saturday against the Cardinals, giving up a two-run dinger jack to Brandon Moss. Hoover has sucked, and so he recently lost his job as the closer.

So here is JJ Hoover, sucking on a can of sucky Barq’s root beer. He is wearing one of those barrels with the straps just like a Depression-era jobless schmuck.

And now I realize Hoover sucking and a Hoover vacuum metaphor woulda been waaaaay more obvious.

Jake Scarrieta

So this guy Jake Arrieta is now a good baseball player or something. He won the Cy Young last season, in case you didn’t know. Thursday night, he no-hit your Redlegs, if you hadn’t heard. He looked scary. Real scary.