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The Real Actual Truth about the Cincinnati Reds REVEALED

You need to know this.

We are through the looking glass on this one, people.
We are through the looking glass on this one, people.
Joe Camporeale-USA TODAY Sports

The waiting room of a hospital emergency department is probably the last place you’d think your life would change. But that is exactly what happened to me this weekend.

We had to take the boy in this past Saturday evening (don’t worry, everything is just fine) and as we were waiting to see the doctor, a very strange thing happened. See, I was nervously occupying myself by scrolling through Red Reporter on my phone when an unassuming, average-looking, inconspicuous man sat down beside me. Or, I should say, I looked up from my phone and noticed he was sitting there. I can’t be sure if he actually sat down beside me or if he just materialized there.

Noticing my phone, he casually asked, "are you a Reds fan?" I politely but kind of dismissively said, "yeah." At that second, I could swear the temperature in the room fell by 10 degrees. He suddenly had my full attention. I could tell he had something incredibly important to tell me. He spoke gravely and measuredly, ensuring the full import of his message was received. "Nothing is ever as it seems," he said.

The exact order and duration of events that followed aren’t very clear to me, to be honest. I’m not sure if he used a brain enstrangling potion on me or some sort of mind device, but I’m sure he must have done something. Because I very suddenly realized that I knew so much more than I had ever realized, that there was a portal in my mind that burst open, flooding the previously dark spaces of my knowledge with the dazzling white light of Truth. It probably wasn’t but a few seconds, but it felt more like weeks. When I came to my senses, the nurse was calling us. I looked over to where the fellow was sitting but he was GONE.

I knew one thing above all else, something far, far more important than all the other stuff I had suddenly learned: I had to share it with you all.


Listen: we are all living in a delusion world. I’m here to try to tell you the Truth. It’s gonna sound shocking and weird and you all are going to think I’m crazy, but for seriously this is totally real and not fake. So here goes:

The world is controlled by forces that people like you and me aren’t supposed to know about. They work to secretly control our lives. The craziest part though is that THEY DO IT IN PLAIN SIGHT. I know what you are thinking right now. "Oh, this is just another weirdo spouting off about the Illuminati." WRONG. You couldn’t be more wrong.


There are all kinds of internet conspiracists out there talking about the Illuminati, about how the Illuminati controls the world and stuff like that. But that’s all made up. The Illuminati isn’t real. It’s not real at all. It’s a story planted by the real power brokers to keep you all distracted. So whenever you hear someone cracking off about the Illuminati, you know they are an Operative.

The REAL power organizations that control the world? The Bilderberg Group, The RAND Corporation, The First Universal World Church, the Schronk Society, just to name a few. Basically, they are all franchisees working for the big kahunas, the grand poohbahs, the head honchos: The Reptilicons.

The Reptilicons are a shape-shifting race of interdimensional travelers. They set up their base of operations in the dark rings of Saturn (they always hide in plain sight, remember) but because of their interdimensionality they can control earth pretty easily from that far away. They are also shape-shifters, remember, so they take on human face forms to HIDE IN PLAIN SIGHT. Here is a picture of the Reptilicons that my friend drew. He saw one once in the parking lot of an O’Charley’s.

See, they control everything, but they do so by infiltrating the highest layers of these power broker organizations. Once I figured this out, the whole thing started to unravel. Of course, you are probably asking yourself "What does any of this have to do with the Reds?" Well, if you are reading this while standing up, I would advise you to sit before moving on. Here’s what I have uncovered:


Like I was saying, the Bilderberg Group is one of those power broker orgs that run everything. Using ancient Hebrew numerology (the codes embedded in the Bible), I was able to discover some really startling truths. To wit: BILDERBERG adds up to the number 57. As you know, Joey Votto’s jersey number is 19. 57 divided by 19 is 3, which is why Votto ALWAYS bats in the third spot in the batting order, despite the fact that he obviously should be hitting higher than that to maximize his PAs.

Not convinced? Votto plays first base, which is abbreviated "1B." 1 = 1, of course, and B = 2. 1 + 2 = 3. See, even a baby can figure this stuff out. Votto’s career batting average? Over .300. That’s ."3"00 if you are counting at home. Joey finished third in MVP voting last year, and you know by now that this is not a coincidence.

Hebrew numerology is some really revealing stuff. I mean, what do you think the recent "wave" of "new age" statistics is all about? Again, in case you haven’t been paying attention, THEY HIDE EVERYTHING IN PLAIN SIGHT.


Recently, Kentucky (which is RIGHT FREAKING NEXT to Cincinnati for God’s sake) junior senator Rand Paul called off his failed bid for the presidency (which is so obviously a Reptilicon puppet viceroy position). Rand Paul, in case you couldn’t tell, is a Manchurian candidate controlled by the RAND Corporation (IN PLAIN SIGHT!!!) designed to lose the presidential bid so he could pave the way for the rise of the legitimate RAND candidate, none other than long-time Reds’ broadcaster George gRANDe.


Maybe you remember the story of Matthew Shepard. In October of 1998, he was robbed and brutally beaten to death. Shepard was gay, and the whole incident shone a light on the savagery of hate crimes across the country. He became a martyr for the gay rights movement, which in case you haven’t been paying attention, has come a long, long way in the last 20 years or so. I know he is seen as a tragic figure, so I really do apologize if this strikes a nerve or seems in bad taste. I get that. But all I’m trying to do here is reveal the Truth.

Fortunately, Matthew Shepard was not killed. Nobody died. Nobody got hurt. He was a sacrifice in name only. His identity, not his life, WAS sacrificed, though. See, Matthew Shepard wanted to become a famous baseball player, but in order to do so, he had to become … Zack Cozart.


The whole Shepard incident was a false flag. The Reptilicons do these kinds of things all the time in order to advance their cold-blooded objectives. You can see it for yourself.

In 2013, Zack Cozart led the Major Leagues in SACRIFICES with 10. Now sit there and tell me with a straight face that there is no connection.

Along with Bilderberg, RAND, and a host of other power broker puppet orgs, the First Universal World Church is in the top layer of the Reptilicon hierarchy. Along with Politics, Big Business, and Sports, Religion is one of the major vehicles the Reptilions use to advance their cold-blooded objectives. Their so-called "mission" is to foster peace and cooperation and all that obviously rope-a-dope bullshit that Religion tries to pull. So it should not surprise you in the least that the Reds employ two guys named Rasiel IGLESIAS (Spanish for "churches") and Ivan DeJESUS Jr.

Look, I’m not naïve. I don’t expect you swallow all of this whole hog. You should be skeptical. Skepticism is one of the first steps to uncovering the Truth. But what I do expect is for you to maybe try to open your eyes a bit. Remember, all of this stuff is hiding in plain sight because they do not respect our intelligence. They think they can get away with whatever they want because we are way too dumb and docile and slow. Just keep your eyes open this season is all I’m saying. Because it is all HIDING IN PLAIN SIGHT.