The baseball winter meetings are set to start next week and it is always one of my favorite baseball events. There is always a blizzard of trade rumors, and though most don't actually happen, there are always a good few that do. It's almost as good as watching actual baseball.
One big rumor kicking around right now is that the Pirates are looking to move Andrew McCutchen. He had a rough year last season and they have a hotshot prospect ready to take his place and nobody really wants it to happen, but it might be the best for everyone. And, well, it's not all the time that a player of his caliber is available. So even the Reds should be raising their eyebrows and taking a good look.
It's not going to happen (it looks more and more like he will end up in Washington), but what the heck. Let's have some fun. So here's what it might look like if Andrew McCutchen gets traded to the Reds:
Amazing. That Reds hat looks pretty good on him.
Here's what it might look like if Andrew McCutchen gets traded to the Reds and also he eats a hamburger:
Wow! I'm hungry! When's lunch, am I right?!
Here's what it might look like if Andrew McCutchen gets traded to the Reds and he is kind of disappointed that he has to play right field:
Kind of a bummer, but even he would have to admit that Billy Hamilton is a better center fielder than he is.
Here's what it might look like if Andrew McCutchen gets traded to the Reds and they wear green hats on St Patrick's Day:
Blarney! Drink Guinness for strength, boy-o!
Here's what it might look like if Andrew McCutchen gets traded to the Reds and midway through his final season he meets a tiny green alien named The Great Gazoo that only he can see:
The Great Gazoo is a tiny, green, floating alien who was exiled to Earth from his home planet Zetox as punishment for having invented a doomsday machine, a weapon of immense destructive power. His invention is a button which if pressed will destroy the universe in an explosive "ZAM," though he insists he made it on a whim ("I wanted to be the first on my block to have one!") with no intent of using it. Gazoo is discovered by Andrew McCutchen when his flying saucer crashes; Gazoo recognizes Cutch's world as 21st century Earth, implying Zetox banished him through time as well as space. Due to the terms of his exile, he is required to do good deeds for whoever found him first, putting him reluctantly under Cutch's command.
Gazoo refers to McCutchen as "dum-dum" and constantly causes problems for him. He can materialize and dematerialize objects, teleport, freeze time, travel through time, and perform other remarkable feats, but when he attempts to help out McCutchen, he usually ends up causing even more trouble. Although his powers are frequently described as "magic," they are more likely based on incredibly advanced science, in accordance with the third of Clarke's three laws. The only people who are able to see Gazoo are McCutchen and a few Reds minor leaguers, because they believe in him; animals also can see him.