Farmers Only: Seth Varner is Doing a Thing

Louisville was trounced by the LeHigh Valley Iron Pigs last night by a score of 12-1.  Woof.  Well, maybe more like oink.  I'm gonna take a page from Weez's book here.  How can a bat be expected to beat an iron pig?  Pigs are already mean and huge, and you want to give it iron skin?  I'm sure they will be terribly slow, but you won't be putting many dents in it using a wooden bat swung by stupid wingy bat arms.  Unless, this iron pig is really just an inanimate paper weight, it is pretty freaking scary.  Realistically, that Iron Pig would just end up eating the bat and creating some new strain of Ebola and we'd all die.  Whatever, suck it nature.  Anyhoo, Dylan "Dad Bod" Axelrod gave up 6 earned in 4.2 innings.  He gave up 2 dingers, 11 hits, 0 walks, and struck out 4.  The bullpen was vomit inducing.  That includes Sam LeCure who gave up 3 earned runs in his lone inning.  His ERA is 5.84 on the season.  Wah!  I don't like it!  Uhm, Eugenio Suarez had two walks? Cool.  The Bats will hilariously/tragically try to exact their revenge against the Pigs of Iron Plate with Matt Magill on the mound tonight at 6:35 pm EST.  It will also be Brian Beef O'Grady's Customer Appreciation Night, fyi.

Pensacola eked one out against the Tennessee Smokies [Insert terrifying childhood images of Smoky The Bear] 4-3 thanks to a four run 6th inning.  Keyvius "Hey There Deliliah" Sampson was pretty solid, throwing 6 innings of 2 run, 0 earned, baseball giving up 5 hits, 2 walks, and 4 strikeouts.  Ben Klimesh picked up his fifth save of the season in 2 innings of work with a walk and 4 strikeouts.  Uncle Jesse was 2 for 4 with a RBI, run scored, and a walk which is excellent to see.  Marquez Smith also had a 2 run 2-out double.  Just a note worth mentioning, the Three Brean Salad committed his 6th error of the season.  Robert Stephenson will start tonight at 5:35 CST and hopefully get his head out of his ass.

Daytona had their noggins chomped off by the Flying Tigers of Lakeland by a soul shattering score of 7-0.  The Tortugas recorded 9 hits and 2 walks but could not get a runner across the plate.  Elizalde, Sammy Diaz, Gelalich, and Daal all had 2 hit games.  Uncle Phil had a single and a walk.  Nick Howard once again had trouble with pitch efficiency and control.  He lasted only 3 innings, giving up 3 hits, 3 earned runs, and walking 4.  He did strike out 7, though.  Something about silver linings and stuff.  Blaine "The Mono" Howell pitched 2 scoreless innings with 2 strikeouts.  Naughty Nick takes the mound tonight at 7:05 EST.

Dayton would also fall tonight by a score of 4-1 to the Johnny Appleseed Tin Caps.  The product of Miami of Oxford, Seth Varner, started the game and not only continued his absolute dominance of the Midwestern League but also extended his walkless streak to 28 innings.  Varner pitched 6 innings, allowing his only hit and run on a solo wanger.  He struck out 9 and walked zero.  Let me put this into perspective for you.  Seth Varner has pitched 28 innings.  He has not walked a batter and has struck out 33.  Through his first five starts he has a infinite K/BB ratio.  This is freaking mind boggling at this point, and I hope it continues.  Jeremy Kivel and Conor Krauss both had scoreless appearances.  Dayton wasn't able to muster up much offense, obviously, and their lone run was brought in on what looks like an error?  Because of the ineptitude, we'll just give shout-outs to Luis Gonzalez and Garret Boulware for multi-hit games.  Boulware also had a stolen base.  Here is a fun fact.  The Tin Cap's shortstop for the game, Franchy Cordero, committed his 17th error of the season.  It is his 20th game.  Yuck.  Marky Mark Armstrong pitches tonight at 7:05 EST.