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Tweet: Cincinnati Reds Deem Bryan Price Apology Attempt a World Event

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Bryan Price in happier times; in the midst of a three game sweep by the Cardinals.
Bryan Price in happier times; in the midst of a three game sweep by the Cardinals.
Jeff Curry-USA TODAY Sports

One day after Bryan Price mocked the breaking of news via Twitter, the Cincinnati Reds felt it appropriate to tweet out Bryan Price's apology for Monday's profanity-ridden tirade . It should be noted that the Reds have a long and storied history of issuing apologies for interactions with fans and beat writers. In fact, there's a failsafe formula to use if you need to make an apology. The elements of this formula include 1) describing the offense, 2) articulating the effect on the listener, 3) why this behavior needs to be changed, 4) why the individual apologizing wants to make the change, and 5) what sort of self-penalty will be the result of non-compliance. In lieu of following this simple formula, the Reds decided to take the following 140 character statements as an indication of the remorse felt by their manager.

The only thing missing from the second tweet was a #SorryNotSorry. He barely registers remorse for the words used and stands by his initial message. Any resemblance this statement has to an actual apology is strictly coincidental. Why do I say this? Because this is basically the content the Reds stand alongside as we speak:

BP: Your job is not to sniff out every FALCON thing is about the Reds and FALCON put it out there for every other FALCON guy to hear. It's not your job. You want me to be candid with you? I've been candid with you. I FALCON talk to you guys like men, I tell you what the FARTS's going on with the team, I tell you how I'm feeling as candidly as I can and then this STUFF? You've got to watch this FALCON STUFF? I've got to FALCON read that on a FALCON Tweet on our own people in here that we don't have a FALCON player? How the FART does that benefit the Reds? It doesn't benefit us one FALCON bit. God DARN we try to go out there and win FALCON games and I got to come in here and then you guys FALCON blow it all over the FALCON place? Who we can play? Who we can't? I'll tell you what you want to know, I'm not going to FALCON lie to you. I didn't tell you FALCON STUFF.

CTR: You did not lie to me and I appreciate it.

BP: Ah, FART. I'm just, I'm FALCON PUSHING up a rope in this FALCON business. Because everyone has to know everything all the FALCON time. That's not my FALCON obligation, it's not their obligation. You know why FALCON Billy Hamilton didn't FALCON play? The other day? Because his FALCON finger's hurt and he couldn't hit right-handed comfortably. Right? So that's something that I need to know and no one else needs to know. No one else needs to FALCON know it, and all of a sudden it's out there. His FALCON fingers are sore. It doesn't benefit us. It wasn't from you, but it doesn't benefit us one bit to FALCON announce to the FALCON other teams that we're playing to bring in lefties when they need to FALCON get Billy out. There's no benefit. So, I'm FALCON, to be honest with you, I'm FALCON sick of this STUFF. I'm sick of listening to this FALCON STUFF, I'm sick of FALCON the FALCON second-guessing BATTYSTUFF, you guys can do whatever the FART you want, but I'll tell you this — I'm not going to FALCON tell you everything about this FALCON club, because you FALCON guys are going to out there and sniff it out anyway. I don't FALCON like it one FALCON bit. I bend over backwards to be honest and direct with you FALCON guys and you stick it right up my FALCON ARK — and the FALCON team's ARK. And I'm sick of it. What do you got? If you don't got anything, get out and I'll do this FALCON interview with Marty. You don't have anything? Just get out, please.

See? Not that much better. The sole thing he apologized for was the appropriateness of the language. When you downgrade the language to daytime cable television standards, it's still offensive, inappropriate, and inaccurate. Try again, Bryan.