Five Dumb Predictions is a Red Reporter tradition now, so let me treat you to some predictions which absolutely blow away my entries from last season for their pure idiocy. Aaron Michael beat me to the punch with his DeSclafani prediction, but I found something to replace it with.
1) Brandon Phillips will not make a single error this year. BP is gonna stave off Father Time for one more year by playing great defense and without committing a single error on the season, which will garner him the Gold Glove award. He's also going to hit a little better than league average, but that's not super bold or dumb to say. Put the two together, and everybody in Redsland is happy with BP's production in 2015. He also is the epitome of a model citizen, happily hitting wherever in the lineup Price asks him to, even as low as 7th, without a peep of discontent, and is buddy-buddy with every writer and reporter who covers the Reds this whole year.
2) The Reds offense will lead the NL in doubles and stolen bases and fewest GIDP. To go even farther, I would add HRs and TBs if only Colorado didn't play moonball at their home park. This represents a complete and basically absurd turnaround from 2014, when Cincinnati had perhaps the single worst offense in the NL.
3) Reds pitchers will face the fewest batters of any pitching staff in the league. Obviously, this means the pitchers will be quite adept at preventing baserunners, and consequently, runs. To that effect, the Reds will be top-3 in the league in RA and WHIP, despite the losses of Simon, Latos, and Broxton and despite their bandbox of a home park.
4) Aroldis Chapman will average 20 K/9. You know how the most strikeouts any pitcher has ever had in the history of MLB ever (over 9 innings) is 20? You know how only 3 guys have ever done it, ever? In history!?? Yeah, well Chapman is going to average that in 2015. Granted, in mostly one-inning spurts...but c'mon.
5) Todd Frazier bests 2014 in every single offensive statistic. Todd's my favorite Red, so he had to get a prediction. To reward the Reds for his shiny new contract extension, he's going to outdo his All-Star season of 2014 in literally every way. If I had just a tiny modicum of common sense, I would caveat this by stating "except stolen bases," but the point of this exercise is straight up dumbness, so no caveats!