During the off season of 2008-2009, Red Reporter started running one of their greatest features ever, the Community Prospect Rankings. You know, that thing you've been ignoring for the past two weeks where you, and the rest of the community, decides the RR prospect list? We post it every morning? Maybe you noticed. Well, I'm going to go through the first ever list and criticize the hell out of it because you people suck at voting for prospects. Remember the Juan Silva scandal of 2014? I sure as hell do.
Oh, and one more bit of criticism. Slyde and BK may have been the first to put up the CPR, but they stole the idea from Brew Crew Ball. They're nothing more than no good, low life, purse stealing thieves! They'd probably steal from your grandma or from a baby!
15. Juan Duran, OF, 17
Gripe #1: They didn't follow up with this vote. You were expected to go back and look at the poll like peons.
Gripe #2: They only did 15 prospects. Dang, Slyde and BK were lazy back then. Bryan, Weezy, and myself work soooooo much harder.
Gripe #3: You jerk wads picked Juan Duran, a guy that had never played anywhere outside of the Dominican League, over Chris Heisey. Heisey had just put up a .381 OBP in over 500 PA's at A+ Sarasota and cracked AA Chattanoogy. Ecto Cooler ended up playing in Cincinnati for five years, and now is so awesome he gets to play for the Friedman Dodgers.
14. Zach Stewart, RP/SP, 22
In true RR fashion, you basically said the experts were worthless. Both John Sickels and Doug Gray had Stewart on their top ten lists. You put Zach Stewart at #14 because there was no way they knew what they were talking about. In a fit of insanity, I actually agree with you. Zach Stewart was a fresh 3rd round pick in 2008. However, he only threw 33 innings and you were suppose to vote him in the Top 10? Pssshhh. You ended up being right, RR. Walt wisely traded Stewart for The Great Scott Rolen, Stewart Pumpkin'd, and no one cared. Everyone thought Walt was an idiot until he was a genius until he was an idiot. It's a vicious cycle.
13. Yorman Rodriguez, OF, 16
Again, you dummies went for a player that never played American professional ball because of tools, money, and youth. Bunch of suckers. Again, you could have voted for Chris Heisey or Zach Cozart! I could have even handled a vote for Sean Henry. He had a good OBP in the minors up until he quit in AAA at the age of 24. What happened to him anyway? He just stopped and went to the independent leagues. Weird. This is the first time the tool shed showed up in a CPR. His first of six or something.
12. Danny Dorn, OF/1B, 24
Hahahahaha you guys voted Danny Dorn #12. This shit is getting funny. Actually, I'll quit laughing because I generally feel bad for Dorn. He'll probably never play in the majors, even though he's still kicking the tires in AAA at the age of 29. At least you didn't vote for Matt Maloney. That would be unforgivable.
11. Devin Mesoraco, C, 20
I can't really blame you too much here. This is when we started getting sad about Devin. He was a first round pick that no one wanted. He was Wayne Krivsky's big mistake. Really, he was just a young kid trying to figure out professional ball. 2010 would be rough as well, but then he'd go gang busters in 2011 and turn into a top prospect. Did you know that Mez was worth 4.8 bWAR and hit 25 home runs last year? Suck on that, haters.
10. Josh Roenicke, RP, 26
Here is an interesting case. You guys voted him right between John Sickels (#6) and Doug Gray (#14). As much as I respect Sickels, he be crazy with that ranking. Dougy was probably more right on. You just don't vote highly for a guy who is a 26 year old reliever. I don't care if he throws 100 MPH, which Roenicke did. He wasn't exactly blowing away the competition in AA and AAA. He also was traded for The Great Scott Rolen, but no one cared about losing Roenicke. He's also Ron Roenicke's son. Ew.
9. Chris Dickerson, OF, 27
BOOOOOOOOO! He was 27 for crying out loud! What a recycled pick.
8. Kyle Lotzkar, SP, 19
This is actually where Sickels and Gray were ranking Lotzkar of the Hill People. Way to follow the crowd. No originality here. Thanks for putting so much pressure on him that his elbow assploded!
7. Daryl Thompson, SP, 23
I assume you only ranked him this high because he was a part of The Trade, and you were trying to make it seem like we won. We didn't unless you consider Bill Bray a victory. I had to watch Gary "The Douchebag" Majewski pitch in Cincinnati. Instant loss. Again, you jerk faces put so much pressure on Mr. Thompson that his shoulder assploded!
6. Juan Francisco, 3B, 21
I'm not going to argue against this ranking of El Nino Destructor because I don't want him to eat my future children. Good job. A 0.7 career bWAR and that .291 OBP last year were great. Superb. Please, don't eat my children.
5. Chris Valaika, SS, 23
Sweet baby Jesus, both Sickels and Gray had him ranked in the top five. His numbers in the minors were pretty dang good, but what a steaming pile of BARF he turned out to be. He even played for the Cubs. He has a negative WAR for his career. Wasn't there something about him being beaten down by Tino Martinez?
4. Drew Stubbs, CF, 23
I guess we are getting to the part where we are talking about real actual prospects. The next four at least did something and accomplished themselves. Drew Stubbs was putting up some pretty good minor league numbers, but he still had a lot of question marks. Could he cut down on the strikeouts? Where did his power go? Can he leadoff? He never ended up being the player we wanted him to be. However, he did help net us Shin Soo Choo for a year and has been worth 9.2 bWAR for his career. Not bad.
3. Todd Frazier, INF, 22
This makes me sad, and should make you super sad. You voted Todd Frazier #3. He is basically the greatest person on the face of the Earth, if Joey Votto didn't exist, and you slighted him. To be fair, Sickels and Gray were voting him right here, too, but you all should have known better. Todd Frazier saves lives and has been worth 10.9 bWAR in his career! You'll especially be pissed when you see who you voted over him. I love you, Hot Toddy!
2. Neftali Soto, 3B/INF, 19
That 3% walk rate in 2008 should have been a pretty big warning sign. Just for reminders, the Reds have cut this guy like a million times, I think, and just resigned him to a minor league deal. He has played for the Reds at the major league level, but it's been atrocious. He had some obvious upside when younger but #2? PUKES
1. Yonder Alonso, 1B, 21
I'll stop yelling. You had no choice with this one. Outside of Frazier and Stubbs, Alonso was one of the only real prospects the Reds had. The cupboard was bare after Votto, Bruce, Cueto, etc graduated. Thanks for helping us get Mat, Yonder. You've pretty much sucked for San Diego, and to think people wanted to trade Votto and keep you. The only value you've shown so far is your defense which is surprising.
So, there is your first ever Community Prospect Rankings. It's pretty hilarious how bad it was even though it did have Frazier, Stubbs, and Mesoraco on it. The first two picks ended up being shit shows. Oh, well, that's the life of prospect evaluation. Hopefully, you guys are a lot smarter in 2015 than in 2009, but I won't hold my breath.