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A series of haiku inspired by Skip Schumaker

Charles LeClaire-USA TODAY Sports
This is Red Reporter's birthday week. BK asked us what we might like to do to contribute. My contributions to the site over these many years have often been really, really stupid. And if not stupid, then definitely absurd. so then I thought of this. Happy birthday, Red Reporter. 

Perhaps the only thing more absurd than a series of haiku inspired by Skip Schumaker is titling it with a portmanteau of the art form and his name.

The dirt in the wind
Last out to end the inning
No aspersions cast

Superfluous, be
Fifth outfielder with proud smirk
Hit two thirty five

Defiant, broken
Play on despite quality
Secret is out at plate

Ignore the wretched
Defense in the outfield grass
Turn and call "ground rule"

On-base percentage
On-base percentage is bad
On-base percentage

'twas ridiculous
The squirrel on the Topps card
No sense of humor

Negative value
Roster construction nightmare
Playing time assured

Jared Michael "Skip"
Grown man, kid's name, kid's ballgame
Somehow, it makes sense