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Big Klu would've hit a 6-run dinger off that Klu. CLE 7, CIN 1.

Klu made Miss Scarlett look like she was swinging a rope instead of a lead pipe.

I'm so mad I can't hyperlink the cats "patty cake" YouTube video here.
I'm so mad I can't hyperlink the cats "patty cake" YouTube video here.
Ken Blaze-USA TODAY Sports

The Joe Nuxhall Memorial Honorary Star of the Game

Donald Lutz sat on the bench for 8 innings while the starting lineup (that included a DH thanks the AL park) fizzled in front of him, yet he brushed that off, channeled his inner mustache, and braunschweigered a 2-base weckewerk in a pinch-hit appearance.  That, coupled with the rather meager output from the rest of the lineup, gets the Knockwurst tonight's JNMHSotG, so congrats to the Brauner Hulk.

By the way, Jack Hannahan - who does not have an MLB hit in 2014 - got the start as the DH.

Honorable Mentions are due to:  Jay Bruce, who whacked a pair of singles; Devin Mesoraco, who did, too; and Brayan Pena, whose lone hit was an RBI double.

Key Plays

  • The Cleveland Indians wasted no time in taking the lead in this one, as Jason Kipnis led the Bottom of the 1st off with a double and scored two batters later thanks to a pair of productively small-ball'd grounders.  Reds trailed, 1-0.
  • Lonald Lonathan Lonnifer Chisenhall the Magnificent sent Reds fans deep into regression depression over the future of Alfredo Simon's 2014 season after a boomy 3-run dinger over the CF wall in the Bottom of the 4th.  That followed a pair of singles by Michael Brantley and Carlos Santana, and after a single, steal, walk, and eventual RBI single by Brantley in the Bottom of the 5th, Simon's night was over.  Reds trailed, 5-0.
  • The Reds finally put together a rally against Kluber as the Indians' ace neared 100 pitches on the evening, and they managed to chase him and nab a run in the Top of the 8th.  Bruce singled to lead things off, and he moved to 2B two batters later when Mesoraco smacked a single over the SS that led to Kluber's trip to the shower for a showerbeer and  Nick Hagadone came in, but Brayan Pena hit a NERTY double down the LF line to score Bruce and leave runners on 2B & 3B with just one out.  Ryan Ludwick pinch got out for Skip Schumaker when John Axford was brought in from the bullpen in a gross disgusting gross gross disgusting Cardinal gross no I can't, and big mid-year lineup-booster extraordinaire Jack Hannahan grounded out softly to SS to end the potential rally.  Reds trailed, 5-1.
  • Esteban Yan Gomes destroyed a Carlos Contreras pitch over the tall wall in LF for a 2-run dinger in the Bottom of the 8th, and the Reds failed to get runners across despite a pair of baserunners in the 9th, so that was that.  Reds lose, 7-1.

FanGraph That Somehow Underestimates Exactly How Out of Hand This Game Was for the Reds All Night

Source: FanGraphs

Other Notes
  • As noted by the finest muffins in tonight's gamethread, tonight's game featured a DH and yet Chris Heisey wasn't used in LF and Ryan Ludwick didn't get the nod at DH.  Puzzling considering there's a big LF Heisey could have capably covered.  Puzzling, still, since the guy who got the start at DH tonight for the Reds does not have a hit yet in 2014.
  • Jack Hannahan does not have a MLB hit yet in 2014.
  • Jay Bruce didn't just have a 2-hit, no-K game, he also actively swung in search of opposite field hits in nearly every PA, even hitting a long fly ball to the wall in LF for an out.  Considering how many issues he's had with pulling the ball into the shift this year, that's a very positive development.
  • Entering tonight's game, the Reds were dead last in all of baseball in runs scored, on-base percentage, slugging percentage, and thusly OPS.  I'm not exactly sure how their 1 run evening will change that, nor do I want to put on my gas mask and try to find out.
  • Jack Hannahan was the Reds DH tonight.
  • Billy Hamilton's 1 for 5 evening has his season OBP at an even .300 and dropped his SLG under .400 to .399.
  • Back to .500, again.
  • Tunes.