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Cavalcade of filth continues. Senators 4, Reds 1.

To my neighbor who made the noise complaint: if you're not mad, you're not paying attention.

Darryl Norenberg-US PRESSWIRE

The Waite Hoyt Memorial Honorary Exemplar of the Game

No one. Not even me.

I'll be taking the five dollar gift certificate to Swallen's and dinner for two at  L'Umbrella and hurling them as far as I can throw, hopefully into the next room or at least behind me so that I don't have to look at them. And be reminded of someone winning something, which has become a fading memory. Just like the suicide squeeze 'n' run and ruining catchers careers by plowing blindly into them.

Key Plays

  • I forgot to buy beer. That may have been the biggest mistake of the night, but one which I'm man enough to admit. I didn't stop trying to buy beer, however, like this team has stopped trying to win. I had the will to stop sitting down, but I choose not to pay to get my car out of impound.
  • In any case, the bathtub vodka will be done as soon as I can buy some potatoes.
  • Through the first three innings, Washington got their bats warmed up, while the Reds politely stayed out of the way like Bat Man's butler.
  • Speaking of Bat Man's butler, Alfredo finally ran out of sauce in the Top of the Fourth, giving up a double to Bucky Walters, and four other hits, all of which were completely inexcusable. Senators lead, 3-0.
  • The Redlegs got one back in the bottom of the frame, though if they could score it a half-run, they would. Brian Ludwig took a cricket swing that meekly hid between a few blades of grass for long enough that he reached first base, allowing Bill Hamilton to score.
  • Senators added another off Hoover in the 6th. DC has never been kind to the Hoover family.
  • The Deadlegs did not record an injury before the end of the game, even while swinging at pitches that used to get your hurler ejected for gross insolence. Reds lose, 4-1.

Fan Graph

What? I don't want to know what that is. If you want a graph, it should be a flatlined EKG stapled to a death certificate.

Here is a picture of the Earth from the moon. Think about everything the space program had to accomplish for this photograph to be possible and then think about how easy it is to win just one game out of seven.


Other notes

  • The Redlegs played like utter garbage, while the Senators looked bored.This game ain't showing up on any This Week in Baseball highlight reels any time soon, unless they make a tape of "Least Impressive RBI Singles in Baseball History."
  • I tried to keep a running list of relievers in the Redlegs' Bull-Pen, but I stopped when I realized they're just making up names. Curtis Partch? I wonder what his name will be next time.
  • If there were any stubborn fans in Redleg Country who were still on the fence, this game surely made more converts than the threat of baptism in the Ohio. We can all agree now that trading for Marlon Byrd is the best and only option.
  • His name sounds like Marlboro, which is a great smoke. Short in the pack and long in the lung. About like this season.
  • 45s.
  • Another 45.