Louisville finally won a game!!!!!! Rejoice! Jason Bourgeois had his cake and ate it too, knocking a walk-off ground-rule double to score Tucker Barnhart (1-4) to secure a 6-5 win, their first in 9 games. Bougie Jason was 2-5 with a triple on the night. But the real story was the triumphant, thunderous return of Jack Hannahan, who was 4-4 with a pair o'doubles. OK, so it was his 6th game for Louisville, but he's hitting .227 so it was a good day for ol' Hammerhands. David Holmberg had a weird start, giving up 4 runs/2 earned in 7 innings on 7 hits with zero walks and zero strikeouts. Neftali Soto also had two hits, but at this point I think the Reds missed their chance to see if he could stay hot in the bigs. Up next: Brett Marshall (0-6, 9.10) goes for win #1 against Columbus at 7:05.
- Pensacola rode the Moose to a 3-2 win over Mobile. I'll take a Moose over a Bay Bear any day of the week. Travis Mattair was 3-4 with his 9th antler-shot of the season, and Rossmel "Like Teen Spirit" Perez was also 3-4. Jon Moscot went 6 strong, allowing just 2 runs on 6 hits with a walk and a pair of Ks. Ben Klimesh made his AA debut, tossing a scoreless 2-strikeout 7th inning with what was described as a "wicked splitter" by those in attendance. Up next: Robert Stephenson (5-6, 3.84) hopes to skin the Bay Bears at 7:30
- Bakersfield had the day off. Mike Dennhardt (4-6, 5.44) faces Lake Elsinore at 10:05.
Dayton couldn't hold an early lead, and the River Bandits stole a victory, 6-3. Sal Romano wasn't at fault, giving up 2 unearned runs on 4 hits in 5 innings to go along with a walk and 5 K. Joel Bender got his shiny metal ass
kissedkicked, spewing up 4 runs in 2 innings. Zach "Edel" Weiss continued his midwestern dominance, tossing a clean inning of relief. As for the offense, Phil Ervin and Avain Rachal were both 2-4, and Carlton "F. Murray Abraham stars as Dar A-" Daal was 2-4 with a double. Up next: BryanBearPig, Scrabbles, and Fearless Leader Beeker travel to Dayton to watch Dan Langfield (2-1, 2.86) ruin the neighborhood against Quad Cities at 7.
- Billings brought the big guns again, felling the Ospreys 8-3. Ty "Six Foot Twenty Fucking Kills for Fun" Washington was 3-4 with a solo patriot missile, and Alex "White Bread" Blandino was 2-3 with a walk right into my heart. Much ballyhooed 2013 draftee Wyatt Strahan continued to kinda suck, getting knocked around for 8 hits in 3.1 innings, good for 3 runs earned. Up next: Tyler "Mr. Magic Marley" Mahle (2-3, 5.51) faces Missoula at 9:05.
- The AZL Reds lost an unusually low-scoring affair, 3-1, to the baby snakes. Bernardo "The Island of Dr." Moreta outdueled what should've been the Reds' first-round pick this year, Touki "Froot Loops" Touissant, striking out 7 over 5 innings of 1 unearned run ball. Unfortunately, tequila. Er, Israel Cuevas, who gave up 2 runs in 2.2 innings. Jose Siri and Dalton "HOVA" Carter led the offense with 2-4 days. Up next: Rookie Sailors at 10.
Don't try eating cake with hammerhands, it gets messy
By Johnny Weez