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Heisey Honks, Minor Leaguers Follow, Reds Win 9-3


Negron-ass man
Negron-ass man

The Joe Nuxhall Memorial Honorary Star of the Game

I don't think it should be called Spring Training anymore. I think it should be called the Spring Chris Heisey Is A Boss Showcase. The Ecto-Cooler was a single and double short of the cycle, crushing his 6th Zuul of the spring off Big Game James Shields, who's the type of pitcher Heisey tends to struggle against (power righty). So that's cool.

Honorable Mentions are due to small game Kris Negron, Roger Bernadina Mister Rog Bernadina, and Neftali Soto, who all went yard for the good guys and accounted for 6 of the 9 Reds runs. Brett Marshall gets an honorable mention more as a lifetime Spring Training achievement award, tossing 4 innings of 2 run ball to raise his spring ERA to a paltry 2.08.

Key Plays

  • The scoring got started in the bottom of the second, when He Who Does Not Make Spring Outs tripled to center, and was singled home by Skippy Dippy Schumaker. Not to be outdone, Kris Negron walloped the next pitch out to left field, and the Reds are up 3-nil in the twentieth minute.
  • Not to be outdone in the power department, Roger Bernadina went yard to lead off the bottom of the third, Reds up 4-0.
  • All these Ghostbusters references didn't stop the walks from haunting Brett Marshall in the fourth, as he issued free passes to three of the first four batters he faced to walk the bases loaded. Luckily, he escaped with just a sac fly and a single to score two, Reds up 4-2.
  • After Jonathan Broxton got himself out of a jam in the fifth (thanks in part to what sounds like a TOOTBLAN), the teams traded runs in the sixth. The Royals scored on an error by third baseman Neftali Soto, meanwhile Heisey ain't got time for dat, so he went yard. Reds ahead 5-3.
  • The Reds tacked another on in the seventh on a Bernadina gRBIoundout, and Neftali Soto made up for his error in the eighth with a three-run blast off former future Reds closer Donnie Joseph, who had walked Bruce and Bryan Anderson ahead of Soto. We won the trade! Reds win, 9-3!

Graf of the Day:


  • It appears that Aroldis Chapman is in good spirits, or at least good enough spirits to return to social media to post this picture on his Instagram account [WARNING: HEAD STAPLES umm...AHEAD].
  • Duke lost! AHAHAHAHAHHAHA eat a butt nut Dukies!
  • I think this might be my first recap. WOOOOO!
  • Who's ready for Farmers Only????
  • In honor of Roger Bernadina Mister Rog Bernadina, I give you TUNES