As many of you may have heard, the Milwaukee Brewers have an official clubhouse dog. It is a very sweet and badass idea because dogs, frankly, are the shiz. One of our esteemed writers at RR decided to waste his time and lobby for a cat as the clubhouse pet. We could make arguments all day about whether the pet should be a hamster, hedgehog, guinea pig, penguin, maybe something cool like a hermit crab, or, hell, even a freaking cockatoo. I really just think the last one is a funny name for a pet. Ok. I need to get back on track. I am about to waste my time convincing you why a dog would perfect for the Reds clubhouse. I feel like I'm 10 year old and trying to convince my parents to get me puppy.
Get ready to squeal, cause there is some cuteness coming.
Reason number one:
Baseball, the dog, and America
The Reds already have a Bark in the Park night. There is an obvious reason for this, and it isn't just because dogs are so very awesome. A dog is man's best friend, just as baseball is America's past time. Baseball is the sport that brought America together. It wasn't uppity like football when it started out. It didn't begin in the Ivy League and spread to the masses. Baseball has always been a game for immigrants and the working poor. The Reds were kicked out the original National League for wanting to serve beer on Sundays. That was the only day the working class could go to games and get some suds. The Reds saw the business opportunity, but I also like to believe they wanted to do the right thing. It's just a like a dog, loyal to the end, and always there for you. Dogs and baseballs are connected in another way. I've never hit a baseball and had a cat go chase it. The dog will chase the ball and bring it back so I can hit it again. That's a good thing.
Reason number two:
Here is where things are going to get stupid and I'm going to start gushing about puppies and stuff. Dog ears are like the greatest things in the world. Cats do have some redeeming qualities, but they have nothing that can compare to this. Their ears are so soft and floppy. If there were a safe, humane way to do it, I would harvest puppy ears to make clothing (mittens, hats, etc) and blankets. Everyone would be comfortable. Obviously, there is no good way to do this because it would be painful, and what do you do with the puppies after? It's like the muffin top, and what to do with the muffin bottoms, problem. I wish puppy ears would fall off and grow back. Like deer antlers but cuter. Look at these freaking ears. I wanna wrap myself in those ears
Reason number three:
Have you ever had a puppy look at your straight in the eyes and give you that puppy face? It melts my heart and makes me want to do anything for it. It would be a very worthy tool to distract other teams. Yadier Molina is being a bastard? Make him look at the puppy eyes. Bam. Yadier Molina is less of a bastard.
Reason number four:
They'll be your best friends forever.
When you get a puppy, you are linked forever as best friends. At least, that is how your puppy will see it. Just being in your presence is all it needs to be happy. That's the difference between a cat and a dog. A cat may really like you, but a dog will love you more than anything in the world will. Everything it does is done to please you, except for accidents on the floor. When you put that funny hat on a cat, it hates you. When you put the funny hat on a dog, it goes to show off the gift his best friend got him.
Tell me these aren't the bestest friends in the world?
Reason number five:
Jay Bruce is totes adorbs with a puppy, and that's all that matters.
Even Ron Swanson agrees!
I think that I've made my case pretty clear. Now, the only thing we have left to do is choose. This might be the most important vote in your lives. I can't think of anything more important. So, think really hard, and make sure you pick the right one.
Would you have this as the clubhouse pet?
Maybe this cute puppy instead?