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Five Dumb Predictions for 2014: The Dumbening

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Is it dumb in here or is it just me?

the dumbest
the dumbest
original photo by Mark Rebilas

Inspired by my esteemed colleagues, I have submitted five dumb predictions for you. I have listed them in the dumbest way possible, which is by number of words from most to least.

Sam LeCure will not make the All-Star team

This is perhaps not the boldest prediction, but it's pretty high up there for dumbest. Because dude will slice up some serious eyeballs this season and rank in the top three among National League relievers in innings, ERA, and WHIP but will be passed over for the All-Star nod because somebody dumb like Kevin Gregg will get a bunch of saves. The blogerati and internet baseball wonks will start to get haughty about it, but it will be really passé to complain about saves by then.

The starting left fielder for the Reds on October 1 is not on the roster right now

Ryan Ludwick will (predictably) play baseball this summer as if he were wearing a Halloween mask. And not a good one either, but one of those really cheap plastic ones with the rubber band strap that you can never see out of. Many will (predictably) call for Chris Heisey to get the starts, and he will, eventually. But by July, neither will look good and Walt Jocketty will make a move to find a suitable replacement.

Billy Hamilton will make the All-Star team

Kid's gonna run wild, swiping 16 bases in April. He is going to come out of the gate smokin' and get a lot of buzz and such, and he'll be selected to the All-Star team because it will be so much fun to watch him go. He'll end the season with a line that won't surprise us, but these first few months are going to be electric.

Joey Votto will reach base more than half the time

The league-wide batting average may be at its lowest point since Nixongate, but Joey Votto scoffs at oversimplified statistics like batting average. He will lead the league in both walks and doubles but will still only tabulate 101 RBIs. No matter what people think of him, everyone will sit back and nod knowing they were always right about him.

The Reds will not make it to the World Series

This is really, really dumb.