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Five Dumb Predictions for 2014: BBB's Edition.

Hop on the crazy train. It's gonna get cray cray.

David Kohl-USA TODAY Sports

There are actually only three of these I think have a decent chance of happening.  Two of them have to do with high prospects, and the other has to do with our new starting catcher.  But, I'm a dreamer and I'm undeniably biased for the Reds.  I find it hard to watch other teams sometimes because I love the Reds so much.  I didn't make any predictions about other teams, but I did add some predictions about the prospects.  We can't forget about the shiny new prospects.  They're like prospective Christmas toys.  You know you are going to get them, you shook the box really hard, but you gotta wait until the 25th to play with them.  I can't wait to play with the new prospects.  Here are my predictions, mostly crazy, some maybe not so much.

1.  Jay Bruce will hit 45+ Homeruns and win the MVP

He has all the power in the world, and I feel that he has one season where he is going to explode.  People are gonna be like, "Jay Bruce, What?!?!   45 homies?  Girl that's crazy."  But, this is my number one prediction.  He is going to hit 45+ homeruns and win the MVP.  I make this prediction every year, but this year it is happening.  2014 needs something big, and it's going to be the year of the Beaumont Bomber.  After this offseason we need Jay Bruce to spread his wings and soar like an eagle.

2. Robert Stephenson will be called up in September to help anchor an already badass bullpen.  He will be placed on the playoff roster and used like David Price in his first season.

Bob Steve is going to do things this year, guys.  He is going to blow down the door in AA and AAA.  If anyone is injured at the end of the year, he could take a rotation spot for the playoffs. However, I think he's going to pitch in the bullpen.  The rotation will be healthy in the last month of the season.  It might be a little shaky in May, June, or July with Holmberg getting some starts, but will rebound at the end.  We're going to see two guys throwing 97+ in the back end of the bullpen for the playoffs.  Get giddy.

3. Aroldis Chapman is going to pitch 100 innings.

Ok, this one probably isn't going to happen, but I'm going to dream about it.  Dreams can come true, right?  He should pitch 100 innings.  I think Bryan Price will change up the way he is used.  We might start seeing him two innings at a time, and we should.  We deserve to get all out of Chapman that we can.  I don't see him staying in Cincinnati after his last three seasons are up.  Let's get all we can out of him, and let him shine.  Are you listening to me Bryan?  Let him shine, like a pretty diamond.

4. Devin Mesoraco will hit 20 homeruns.

I'm really excited for Devin Mesoraco to be getting his shot.  I think he could be an All-Star catcher and his defense has made huge improvements.  I think he might still struggle with average and on base percentage, this year, but the guy has plenty of power.  Wouldn't it be awesome if he hit 20 woodchucks over the fence?  I think so and it's going to happen.  The groundhog didn't see his shadow, he saw Mesoraco's.

5.  Phillip Ervin will finish the season in AAA.

He's going to move and quickly.  He is going to do amazing prospect things.  He may not hit for a ton of power like Bruce did, or steal a bunch of bases like Hamilton, but he has 20/20 potential.  What is going to get him to the big leagues is his amazing bat speed and contact ability.  I see him starting in Bakersfield, killing it for a month, and then being promoted to Pensacola and spending the last month in Louisville.  He'll be a top 25 prospect because his slash line will be something like 300/400/480, and he'll be adequate in CF.  He'll be held back because he doesn't have the greatest power, speed, and may be a defensive liability in centerfield.  However, there will be no doubt about his bat and ability to get on base.  Next year, the debate in Spring Training will be if he will be the starting left fielder.  We'll actually have something to talk about other than losing Homer for a comp pick and swooning hard over Votto and the NL MVP Jay Bruce.

6.  Yadier Molina falls in a toilet and never gets out.

He tries to take a poop, and doesn't put the seat down.  He falls in the water, his butt gets wet, and he is stuck to the toilet forever.   He has to sit behind the plate on his porcelin throne.  He has to bat hunched over with a toilet hanging off hit butt.  Multiple surgeons give their opinion, but nothing can be done.  It is too stuck and something modern science cannot comprehend.  Plus, he's an ass.  Everyone calls him Yadi Toilet for the rest of his life.  In the end, the only person who will hire him are the Miami Marlins.  They need another distraction, and the kids show up to watch him waddle with a toilet stuck to his butt.