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Red It, Watched It, And Wept - Week of 1/12/14, Finally-Stuff-To-Complain-About

It's like scrolling through an Andy Rooney segment!

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This is the most updated Reds photo tagged by SB Nation. It was taken over a month ago.
This is the most updated Reds photo tagged by SB Nation. It was taken over a month ago.
David Manning-USA TODAY Sports

Football season is over in Cincinnati for all you transplants that follow the NFL and competitive college teams. For everyone else, last week marked the end of another fully predictable first round exit of a Cincinnati sports franchise. Now, the city's lonely eyes return to baseball and the mild-to-gaping holes in centerfield and leftfield for the Reds. If the overreaction doesn't excite you, the inevitable complaints, regardless of outcome, almost certainly will. Let's see what we wished we missed this week:

Hall of Fame Vote Nonsense

The sports world the community of dudes who are paid to fill column inches get pageclicks was turned on its head this week when it was revealed that self-promoter Dan Le Batard used his Hall of Fame Ballot, issued by fellow serial self-promoters, as an attempt to promote himself. Le Betard, as you may recall, gave the readers of Deadspin the opportunity to pick his choices for this year's Hall of Fame Ballot. After all, before Le Betard, we all had no clue how stupid Hall of Fame voters are. How stupid? Some sports writers submitted ballots only listing players who played before the steroid era (pitchers included). These writers, it should be known, were compensated for professionally writing about baseball in the steroid era. Le Betard's sanctimonious behavior resulted in him being banned for life in voting for the Hall of Fame. It also caused sanctimonious behavior from those he attempted to expose. These discussions created an even more meta examination on what should be considered sanctimonious. I'm sure all sports fans enjoy this.

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More Hall of Fame Nonsense- This Time, With PETE ROSE

And what would a Hall of Fame season be without a sports writer trolling the West Side of Cincinnati for reaction by resetting the fact that Pete Rose is ineligible to be inducted into the Hall of Fame as part of the collateral damage of his gambling problem? Now that the cloud of steroids and PEDs has finally permeated Hall of Fame voting, a column listing the differences between gambling and synthetic enhancement basically writes itself. Plus, it really annoys people who hold the laughable Rose in high esteem for his scrappiness and longevity. We here in RIWIAW would prefer that, instead of getting people into a froth over Pete Rose, writers would just ignore Pete Rose this time of year. There are plenty of other things to complain about when it comes to the Baseball Hall of Fame.

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Yankees to Miss .244 Hitting Third Baseman in 2014

By looking at the baseball headlines this week, it appears the PR department of Major League Baseball is going for an "any publicity is good publicity" approach during the NFL playoffs. With this in mind, it was recently ruled by an aribtrator that Alex Rodriguez can be suspended for the 2014 season for his repeated pattern of using PEDs and then lying about it. Rodriguez reacted to this decision by announcing his intent to sue Major League Baseball. While Rodriguez probably does not have a cause of action, that won't stop him from utilizing the federal court system (Note: our legal team at RIWIAW is saddened by the fact that one cannot file a lawsuit on grounds of schadenfreude). You see, by suing, it makes the entire process of his suspension subject to discovery and exposure. Since Major League Baseball has been run by a used car dealer for almost three decades, there's plenty of embarrassment to go around for this collective group of chuckleheads. Sit back and enjoy the dumpster fire.

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Duane's Doing His Thing

So, yeah, in a week of pretty awful news on all fronts in baseball, this may be the only bright spot. Y'all remember, Duane, right? Duane's the guy who is responsible for starting the "woo" at Reds games. This trend not only was enjoyable, but created the added benefit of annoying some fairly exasperating people. In addition to being a pretty swell guy, he's an entertaining guitar player and singer. So, when you're being subjected to the less-than-stellar music selections by players, grab your smart phone and blast the latest by Duane. You won't regret it.

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Homer is a Terrible Name for a Rumor.

Sometimes, when there’s no news, people just try to make stuff up. This week, due to the lack of Reds news, people began to idly speculate on the prospects of signing Mat Latos and Homer Bailey to long-term deals. The speculation led to a rumor that Homer Bailey doesn’t like Cincinnati. Now, we here at RIWIAW would understand this, as the only radio station in town made it their goal to embarrass Homer after he accomplished his second career no-hitter. A reason to leave is also justified by the fact that the only newspaper in town joined in on this navel-gazing groupthink. It should be no surprise that said newspaper quickly escalated an unconfirmed and completely anonymoys rumor into a full-blown story. You know how denying something ludicrous makes people ponder whether the ludicrous event actually happened? For example, if I called a press conference to announce that I'm not an alien, people would probably begin to think that there is a rumor that I am an alien and that there may be truth to this rumor. If you want to know the intent of the Enquirer for publishing this article, look no further than this hypothetical.

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