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Note: In solidarity with the Reds, our editor has chosen to take today off from editing the preview from this meaningless game. Please disregard the unhinged nature of this article, as we normally hate performance art. Seriously, just post your preview scores and ignore the rest of this garbage.
F.A.N. A.P.P.R.E.C.I.A.T.I.O.N. D.A.Y. could be an acronym, but don't waste your time coming up with one. Please enjoy Greg Reynolds instead! Greg Reynolds. Reynolds Wrap. Rap Music. Music Lady. Lady Baltimore. Baltimore Raven. Raven Riley.
Lane Kiffin got fired last night. That's news! In fact, it was news to him as he was walking onto the team bus. Awwwkward. Almost as awkward as an Elton John album. Except Honky Château. That album is the magician's mango.
There are few things worse than meaningless September baseball. This list includes genocide, Pac Man Jones' criminal record, and listening to NPR during fund drives. Thats okay because the Reds are playing in October, which is sweater and stuffed-seasoned-with-pumpkin-and-other-dumb-spices weather.
At the end of the day, it could be a Charlie Scrabbles Score, but it will be a tree falling in the forest with nobody around. It's all about ups and downs, man. Hey, do you guys remember Deep Blue Something? Today's game kind of feels like one of their songs. I know Bronson Arroyo remembers them, but he's too busy waiting for his last four home runs from yesterday to land. I do know that the last time the Pirates had a home playoff game, this song hadn't even come out yet.
Pay me my money down. You'll hear that same chorus from Shin Soo Choo and Arroyo in a few weeks. Choo will probably get even more money than Hunter Pence. Pence was filmed celebrating his new contract. If you're still reading this, I really pity you.
Maybe I'll just use the rest of this preview to discuss that meth show that ends this evening. And after Josh Hamilton plays his last game of the season, be sure to catch Breaking Bad. GRAGGGHGHH. I need a new shower head.
BULLPEN LOG
