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Char-lie Scrab-bles! Reds 10, Astros 0.

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As melonscratchers go, that was a honeydoodle!

MOAR BRUCE-FACE!
MOAR BRUCE-FACE!
Bob Levey

The Paul Daugherty Memorial Honorary 100 RBI Guy of the Year Award

Jay Bruce!

The humble, perfect-haired, sans-braggadoccio'd RF of the Reds hit milestones that are both prominent and profitable in the minds of Players Association, and given his consistent performance, willingness to give back to the Cincinnati community, and all-around good-guyness, it's appropo that Bruce gets the nod this evening on the occasion of his first official PDMH100RBIGotYA.  Jay's evening featured a 2 for 4, 2 run, 5 RBI display that included just the second grand slam of his still young career, and he's settled in nicely as the go-to cleanup hitter in this lineup.

Groovy.

The Joe Nuxhall Memorial Honorary Star of the Game

Mike Leake!

The Leaker brought his A-game to a battle with D-listers tonight, and it showed.  Leake blew through the Astros lineup, yielding just 5 hits and 2 walks over his 8 shutout innings.  The Reds' righthander moved to 14-6 on the season, lowered his ERA to a paltry 3.21, and probably bench pressed 32 Altuves after the game in his cool-down workout.  That's what Brian Boitano would do.  Dude's a gamer.

The MVP/GG Memorial MVP/GG'er of the Game

Zack Cozart, for going 2 for 3 with another 3 RBI.  Cozart has quietly put Devin Mesoraco on notice by actually being the right-handed impact bat at the deadline the Reds had sorely needed, and his performance tonight only added to it.  Cozart entered tonight's game having hit a solid .284/.316/.393 in 197 PA since the All Star break, and that's 100% Charlie Scrabble approved for an above-average defensive SS hitting in the bottom of the order.  Props, Zackuum.

The Charlie Scrabbles Memorial Charlie Scrabble Score Picker of the Game

Charlie Scrabbles, for picking the most Charlie Scrabbles of scores this evening.

Key Plays

  • The Reds went BOOM!
  • The Reds went POW!
  • The Reds went POP!  BOOM!  BANG!
  • The Astros said OW!  DANG! 
  • Jay Bruce went KA-POW! 
  • Sean Marshall said I'M BACK, BITCHES!
  • Reds win, 10-0!

FanGraph Section That Will Make That One Nationals Fan Tell Us To Clench Our Buttcheeks Even Harder Even Though Our Buttcheeks Need No Additional Clenching Force

<iframe src="http://www.fangraphs.com/graphframe.aspx?config=0&static=0&type=livewins&num=0&h=450&w=450&date=2013-09-17&team=Astros&dh=0" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" height="450" width = "450" style="border:1px solid black;"></iframe><br /><span style="font-size:9pt;">Source: <a href="http://www.fangraphs.com/livewins.aspx?date=2013-09-17&team=Astros&dh=0&season=2013">FanGraphs</a></span>

Other Notes

  • I miss the Disastros, y'all.  The Angels and their ungodly payroll and godawful record this season got to play them, like, 20 times, and they're still that many games under .500.  I hope Arte Moreno has some good antacids.
  • Pirates lost, Cardinals Larry Walker'd the Rockies, and whatever.  The Reds have Ryan Ludwick, Sean Marshall, and Johnny Cueto back now; the Reds are the team to beat.  I don't care who says otherwise.
  • Jay Bruce is your RBI man, Marty Brennaman!  IT MUST BE THE APOCALYPSE!
  • I applied for this job today.  I wish I could see their faces when they read that "sexsalad from the internet" is my top reference.  I'm going places, folks.
  • Tunes?  Tunes!