The Joe Nuxhall Memorial CORKY CORKY CORKY CORKY CORKY CORKY
Corky Miller is seven feet tall! He kills pitchers by the hundreds! And if he'd played the whole game, he'd have consumed the Cubs with fireballs from his eyes and bolts of lightning from his arse!
Alas, said Corkster was relegated to a supporting role for the majority of the game, and he was unable to unleash more than just one stachebash before the laws of baseball dictated that the time for playing had passed. But the Cubs shan't sleep easy this evening, for they will certainly know that Corky hath revenge upon his mind...and upon his mustache.
Nobody else deserves a parable of their plight, for none are Corky other than Corky himself.
- Spaghetti's poor back was stabbed with a fork, twisted around until secured, and eaten for the better part of two innings before busboys cleared the plate and decided it was time for desert. They put Reynolds wrap on the main course to preserve its ability to be devoured for later, and the Cubs proceeded to quench the thirst of their Partched palettes.
- The resulting disaster fell in the lap of said Corkster, and Cork cork'd as admirably as one could expect a Cork to cork when given the opportunity. The 'stache doubled to score a piping hot Cozart, thereby accounting for the entirety of the Reds offense for the evening. It will require more than the feats of mere mortals to provide worthy comparison, nay compliment, to the actions provided by the stache of Corky displayed this evening; one can but hope the power of Corky will demand said actions sooner rather than later. Cubs prevail, more to fewer.
FanGraph Section that Belies the Valiant Nature of His Corkness
<iframe src="http://www.fangraphs.com/graphframe.aspx?config=0&static=0&type=livewins&num=0&h=450&w=450&date=2013-09-10&team=Reds&dh=0" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" height="450" width = "450" style="border:1px solid black;"></iframe><br /><span style="font-size:9pt;">Source: <a href="http://www.fangraphs.com/livewins.aspx?date=2013-09-10&team=Reds&dh=0&season=2013">FanGraphs</a></span>
Tonight needs Wu-Tang.
- That is all.