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10 ways to crassly cash in on Homer Bailey's No-Hitter

A Friday list.


Senate Pub downtown came up with a fun way for for recognizing Homer's feat:

Today's Dog is.... The "Homer F#^kin Bailey" he's a wood grilled all beef dog on a brioche bun, topped w country gravy, BBQ pulled pork, local f#^kin cheese curds, bacon fat fries & cilantro. We're proud of this dog, as its pretty exciting. However some folks may need to "Lighten Up" a little bit, for them we suggest the salad.

But if you want to be trashier and get more profit, do these instead:

10. Sell a Homer Bailey "no-hitter"
This is if you own a head shop. It's a small cylinder that you can't do anything with.

9. Sell an album by a reality talent show also-ran
"In honor of Homer Bailey, here's an album with NO HITS on it!" This is if you own a record shop.

8. Don't hit on anyone
I'm not sure how to profit from this exactly, but it might be one of those "pays off in the long-run" things. Just don't - it's unbecoming.

7. Do one of those "If they mated"-style facial merges with Homer Bailey's Face and Nolan Ryan's face
Get paid not to show it to anyone.

6. Sell a "Homer Bailey's Irish Cream"
"Get it? Just like the other night against the Giants?" as you point into an empty cup. This is if you own a bar. Profit is 100%, less the nominal cost of washing the cup and whatever getting punched costs.

5. Sell a pair of shorts with Homer's face on the front and the phrase "He made a no hitter" on the back
Everyone does t-shirts. But no one seems to do commemorative, cheaply-screen-printed cotton shorts. They're like shirts for your lower body.

4. Sell one of those acrylic cubes that they use for game-used baseballs and it's empty
It contains every hit from the game Homer Bailey pitched on Tuesday, July 2 and it's signed by Homer Bailey. This is if you own a hobby shop.

3. Print a shirt that says "I just fuckin' walked (with) a guy"
And super-imposes Homer's head on a West Wing era Rob Lowe.

2. Print a t-shirt that says "I just fuckin' walked a dog"
This is if you own a dog-walking business. Or want a premise for a t-shirt based joke.

1. Really anything with the f-word, Homer Bailey and/or a sad-looking Buster Posey visibly regretting what he did during Game 5