Top Things We're Going to Need Sean Marshall To Do

10. Clean up this mess

Seriously, it looks like an actual bull's pen in there - a bull who's been nervously wadding up Gatorade cups and reading smut.

9. Remind Joey Votto not to let his wRC+ fall below 175

As Joey limps along to another barely-MVP-worthy season, you have to ask yourself how much longer Reds fans will put up with it. It's a good thing they're cutting his pay by $5M next season.

8. Play some LF

The problem is, the Reds are getting a slender .202/.257/.309 line out of what should be one of the most product positions on the diamond. But Sean Marshall once hit a home run against El Duque.

7. Just don't

If you're thinking about doing anything that's at all bad, take a step back and don't.

6. Hand out some hats

So as not to be known as the bullpen's other OTHER lefty, as opposed to just its other lefty, Marshall would do well to hand out his own line of headwear inspire by a watershed moment in American foreign policy. They should say "Marshall Plan" and look like a large government document.

5. Yell really loud until Zack Cozart doesn't bat second any more

Sean Marshall is a veteran and he should use it.

4. Get inked

It's finally weird not to have one. And I think it would be best if it was the entire text of one of my posts on it.

3. Pose in a photo with Travis Wood, Ronald Torreyes and Dave Sappelt

"Dave, you're cool. Travis, Ronald, stop it with the good season act. I'm not kidding. It's not funny anymore."

2. Realize and communicate to as many of his fellow citizens as possible the fundamental truth that "A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they will never sit in."

1. Prevent any loss from ever happening