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BREAKING: Mark Prior to start Opening Day for the Reds

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Still in Arizona. A pity, really.
Still in Arizona. A pity, really.
USA TODAY Sports

We at Red Reporter are slightly worried to report that Johnny Cueto has been scratched from his Opening Day start today after sleeping through his alarm in Goodyear and missed the plane. In his place will be Mark Prior, who the Reds invited to spring training, and is Dusty's FAVORITE player. According to Dusty Baker, it was a tough decision:

"There was a few names we threw out there, like Tony Cingrani and Armando Galarraga. But in the end, we didn't want to disrupt the preparation for those guys, and didn't want to move the other rotation guys. We think Prior had a great spring, and has a proven track record of being an elite major league pitcher."

Walt Jocketty was equally pressed for the decision:

"(grumble grumble) Dusty might release those pictures (grumble grumble)"

Prior was perfect in his 1 inning of spring, striking out 1 in the process. Stat-head nerd Joel Luckhaupt was also strongly in favor of the move:

"My spreadsheets indicate his K/9 this spring was 9, which is very high. I'll be right back, my hot pockets are done."

Cueto will spend the next week on the 5-day Overslept and Missed Flights list.