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Ranking the Top 10 Joey Vottos

A Friday list.


1. Joey Votto

He's the best.

2. Neo-Joey Votto

Joey Votto has to go away in the early '20s to fight in the Canadian Ice Melt Wars. When he comes back, it's not clear whether it's him or some kind of replicant.

3. Joey Votto, Jr.

He's not exactly Joey Votto's son, but more of a smart alec re-boot that skews to the younger demographic.

4. The Vottonist

He's a villain, but one who's inherently moral, who has mutant topiaries under his command. This is what would have happened if he'd been allowed to sign with a West Coast team.

5. J. Daniel Votto

After his career concludes in the late '30s, Votto takes to writing. His work is described as "if Ernest Hemingway jumped on Cormac McCarthy's shoulders and hit a ground-rule double."

6. JV©

Joey's brand identity, signified by silhouetted figure taking a pitch. It's actually pretty cool.

7. JoVot

Robo-Votto whose keen eye for the strike zone replaces all umpires.

8. Ted Williams

9. Bizzarro Joey

He's a slap-hitting center-fielder with a microscopic walk rate and a great hook-slide.

10. Jorny Vorto

A really inferior version of Joey Votto that is still really good.