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This Week in JPEGs Tournament: Snakebit Chapman vs. Joey Votto is Batman

Our tournament of JPEGs is turning into a torment of JPEGs.

picture courtesy of me, you idiots

Snakebit Chapman

Here we find Reds' closer and favorite offseason topic of discussion Aroldis Chapman getting his butt handed to him by the Arizona Diamondbacks. I'm kind of ashamed of myself that I actually found a second butt metaphor to describe this picture.


Joey Votto is Batman

He is your hero. He is my hero. He is the hero to all those little kids in middle school all across the state of Ohio and the greater Appalachian region. He is the hero to that awful, soulless, pleated-khakis-and-a-polo office drone that picks him to anchor his fantasy team every year. He is the hero to that pathetic asshole's wife, who fantasizes about him when khakis-and-a-polo tries to get sensual with her. He is the hero to khakis' son, who obviously can't look up to his father. Don't wear khakis you guys is basically what I'm saying.

Joey Votto is Batman. He is the hero this city needs, but not the one it deserves.