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Letter from Summer Camp

Hi Mom! Hi Dad! Hi Mom and Dad!

I'm having the BEST time here at Red-ucation Camp! I'm soooooooooooooo happy that you made me come, even though I thought I didn't want to at first. This place is the coolest! I've made so many friends and we are having so much fun! The guys here in the Bullpen Bunk are mostly really cool, except for a few guys are not so cool. It's waaaaaaay much better than the guys over in the Outfield Bunk, though. They are all total butt fudges.

You'll never guess what! My friend Skeeter from school is here, too! We are kinda friends in school, but we are much better friends now that we are at Red-ucation Camp. I hope that we are still friends in school next year like we are at camp now. Yesterday, we were at the lake for swimming time but Skeeter went swimming too early after eating and he totally barfed spaghetti all over Lindsay Carmichael who is this girl here at camp. It was so bogus I thought I was going to barf too but I didn't!

The funnest thing is all the activities we get to sign up for. There are two activities each day, one in the morning after breakfast but before lunch and then another after lunch. It was really hard to decide which activities I should sign up for but here are the ones that I picked:

  • Learning to whittle your own bat with Corky Miller
  • Making hemp necklaces with Bronson Arroyo
  • Temporality, Non-Being, and Perception: A critical analysis of the works of Jean-Paul Sartre with Ryan Hanigan
  • Introduction to gymnastics with Aroldis Chapman
  • Silk screening your own t-shirts, a court-mandated community service with Mike Leake
  • Archery class with Homer Bailey (class was cancelled because Mr. Bailey said we were all "stupid kids" and he "didn't like us" so he made us all run laps around the lake instead)

I'm having a lots of fun here and I don't ever want to come home but I really miss you all and want to come home but then I don't because I want to stay here. I can't wait to come back next summer because two of the counselors Jay Bruce and Joey Votto keep saying they will have a cool trophy to show us then and they high five a lot. Tell Clancy that he can play with my bogonoid cards while I'm away but if he bends any of them I'll be really mad! Even though he is so annoying sometimes I still miss my little brother while I'm here.

Anyway, I got to go now because Counselor Arroyo is making us do another sing-along. It is fun sometimes but he's told us the story about a million times about when he played on stage with some old band called the Goo Goo Dolls. I don't know if they are good though because Skeeter pulled up their YouTube on his iPhone and they got a lot of thumbs downs.

Gotta go Mom and Dad! See you next weekend!