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Red It, Watched It, And Wept - Week of 7/01/12

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Hugging it out. The newest way of showing up your opponent after a win. (Photo by Tony Medina/Getty Images)
Hugging it out. The newest way of showing up your opponent after a win. (Photo by Tony Medina/Getty Images)
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Covering what other writers are too scared too preoccupied with actual news to cover.

Monday: The Real Summer Games

We here at RIWIAW can’t get too excited about the 2012 Olympics. Why, you ask? Well, because we’re Americans and our nation doesn’t have any enemies good at sports right now. Heck, baseball isn’t even an Olympic sport anymore, but racewalking is? And you wonder why Europe has a debt crisis . . . Nonetheless, with the NBA and NHL playoffs (finally) over, Major League Baseball takes center stage until the next Cincinnati Bengal gets arrested. This means that local writers get extra column inches to criticize moves that are "by the book" AND criticize fan reactions when managers do not go "by the book."

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Tuesday: Joe West, Young Man.

If 2011 was the return of the "Year of the Pitcher," then 2012 is shaping up the be "Year of the Terrible Umpire." In perhaps the worst argument in support of collective bargaining since the opponents of Taft-Hartley, 2012 has been ravaged with blown calls, odd strike zones, petty arguments with players, and rare instances where Bobby Valentine is in the right. Frankly, all these outcomes are inexcusable for professionals. While some have proposed robots as the answer (Editor’s note: do we really want John Olerud to umpire games?), we here at RIWIAW think the solution lies in egos. Since these umpires just want to get their names out there (case study #1 – NFL’s Ed Hochuli), just give them the opportunity to host ESPN’s "First Take." It couldn’t be worst than the current staff . . .

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Wednesday: Hell Hath No Fury Like A Reporter Scooped

You know what’s the best part about being a professional sports writer? Using false equivalencies when people don’t return your phone calls! Scott Boras’ plant CBS Sports writer Jon Heyman was evidently a bit perturbed when the Reds wouldn’t give him an any fodder regarding Aroldis Chapman’s speeding ticket earlier this season. However, when Chapman did two somersaults after closing a game this week, the Reds brass publicly admonished the Cuban Missile! SCANDALOUS. How dare the Reds not go on record concerning a legal matter while calling out their own player for doing something that could be interpreted showing up the other team. What hypocrisy! Where’s the integrity?

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Thursday: JULY, JULY

It’s finally July and the Reds are still in first place. You know what that means, right? It’s unsubstantiated trade rumor season! Hooray! In this week’s roundup, the Reds are tied to Shane Victorino, Huston Street (should be pronounced How-Ston), Carlos Quentin, and Kevin Youkilis. The folks here at RIWIAW wouldn’t really have a problem with any of the aforementioned non-strikethrough players. Then again, our top talent scout has spent the past five days watching "Dharma and Greg" on repeat.

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Friday: Fayman's Terms Twitter Roundup!

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