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RR Media Guide: Suggested commentary for 2012 season

I doubt this is at a Reds' game.
I doubt this is at a Reds' game.

For the benefit of all broadcasters - professional or pirate - who find themselves describing the events of a Reds' game this season.

  • The Reds clinch the Central: "The Reds are National League Central Champions for the second time in two years."
  • The Reds clinch the first Wild Card: "Wild Card berth. Nice. I don't get bogged down in all the rule changes from year-to-year, but one thing's for sure: Cincinnati can look forward to at least three post season games."
  • The Reds clinch the second wild card: "That's the end of the game. A nice win by the Reds. Stick with us for Reds Live... What? That doesn't sound right at all.... Go to commercial."
  • The Reds lose the Wild Card Play-In Game: "These new rules suck."
  • The Reds win the Wild Card Play-In Game: "These new rules kind of suck."
  • Ryan Hanigan throws out a baserunner: "And a runner hath died by his Hand-again."
  • Chris Heisey hits a home run: "Terrific pinch-hit home run by Chris Heisey."
  • Joey Votto strikes out: "That's another $500 donation to the Keep Joey Votto in Cincinnati Foundation."
  • Brandon Phillips makes a stunning defensive play: "He really extended himself on that one. He's so good, he makes it seem like the universe is contracting and shows no sign of slowing down."
  • Jay Bruce hits a home run: "Going, going, but ultimately disappointing because it doesn't clinch a championship."
  • Ryan Ludwick hits a home run: "Gettin' the Lud Out," "Been a long time," "That would have been a bunt pop-out at PetCo."
  • Drew Stubbs breaks up a double play, injuring a middle infielder: "Another strike out for Drew Stubbs."
  • Scott Rolen has an at bat: "Congratulations to Scott Rolen."
  • Zack Cozart makes a difficult play in the field: "The was a truly rococo play with an impressionistic finish and elements of realism. A Cozart's Masterpiece."
  • Mat Latos throws a knock-down pitch : "Served up on a bed of Latos!"
  • Johnny Cueto coaxes a ground-ball out: "Terrible strikeout."
  • Mike Leake turns in a quality start: "No one is stealing from Michael's tonight."
  • Homer Bailey strikes out Eric O'Flaherty: "Order up a Bailey's Irish Cream."
  • Ryan Madson nails down a save on a borderline strike call: "Crack open a Kiwi Maddog 20/20 folks, because it's time for some bums to wine."
  • Bronson Arroyo gives up a home run: "That's another $100K deducted from Bronson's salary, per an obscure clause he didn't read."
  • Aroldis Chapman hits 105 on the gun: "Changeup, outside for ball 2."
  • Sean Marshall pitches a clean inning: "Marshall Stacks 'em up 1-2-3."