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Red It, Watched It, And Wept - Week of 12/16/12

Covering what other writers are too scared too preoccupied with actual news to cover.

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This talent pales in comparison to the great Joe Blanton
This talent pales in comparison to the great Joe Blanton
Greg Fiume

Monday: The World Series of Press Conferences

The phrase "winning the press-conference" is one that is often tossed about when a team introduces a deal that is full of PR savvy, but not one necessarily helpful in the long-term scheme of things. With the re-signing of Ryan Ludwick, the Reds didn’t necessarily win a press conference, but they did everything they could within their limited parameters to improve on the 2012 team. Because of this unsexy move, it gives folks like P-Doc an entrée to criticize the deal. Why did Daugherty hate it? Because it shows that "the Reds have done nothing but maintain. Teams that maintain generally don’t." After all, it is 100% impossible for a team to trade for players after signing free agents. We read that in a book somewhere.

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Tuesday: And then Paul gets kicked in by the Shin

In a blatant disregard of the rules set forth by the great Paul Daugherty (do you see a theme this week?), the Reds traded away their most frustrating player in return for a guy who greatly improves what has been the team’s most glaring weakness. This means, of course, that it is time to panic. No, not because the Reds made a good deal, but that it was similar to one made last week by Red Reporter. When asked if Red Reporter's deal influenced his proposal, Reds General Manager Walt Jocketty said, "yeah, well, I looked at the value those fools gave up and said to myself ‘heck, I could give up half of that and still land Choo in my sleep.’"

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Wednesday: Comment(s) of the Week


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Thursday: One Little, Two Little, Three Little Indians

After acquiring Shin-Soo Choo and Jason Donald from Cleveland, Walt Jocketty made another move to obtain a former Indian. The Reds signed Jack Hannahan to a two-year deal seemingly filling the void left by Scott Rolen’s impending retirement and Miguel Cairo's . . . talent. Since it’s always polite to ask players about their teammates as opposed to what they bring to the table, the Associated Press asked Hannahan what the deal for Choo meant: "I'm a big fan of Choo," Hannahan said. "I love the way he plays the game. He shows up every day. He's as tough as they come. I think he'll do big things here." For those unaware, Hannahan finished third in the AL for the 110% Trophy. This is awarded to the player most dependent on using clichés in an interview. Congrats and welcome, Jack!

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Friday: Where’s Josh Hamilton’s Accountabilibuddy? (h/t: -ManBearPig)

We here at RIWIAW aren’t extremely religious. However, we do go to mass and laugh at people who describe themselves as secular humanists (seriously people, get over yourselves). That’s why it’s okay for us to scold Josh Hamilton for allegedly stealing a slogan for his tee-shirt company (editor's note: at this point, who DOESN’T have their own t-shirt company?) that was already being used by another company. That’s Seventh/Eighth Commandment territory, buddy! Evidently, the misunderstanding stemmed from the phrase "Play Hard, Pray Harder," used by the Hamilton family’s company as their slogan. Patent law analysts are examining this case closely to see the viability of what is being called the "Johnny Narron/Accountability Partner Defense."

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Saturday: How To Succeed In The Baseball Business Without Even Knowing

We here at RIWIAW read Bleacher Report (sometimes) so you don’t have to! Today, BR presented its readership with a lesson on when to trade your best prospect for someone else. Included in this fascinating read were tips such as making sure you "maximize value" and that you analyze player projections to make sure they are peaking at the right time. INSIGHT! Prior to reading this, we thought we could throw a bunch of players on our Baseball America Prospect list at another team and they’d give us a haul of Major League players (note: this process still works if you’re trading with the Marlins). Snark aside, we won’t fault Bleacher Report for stating the obvious since there are many some people a person who refuse(s) to believe that prospects ever develop into MLB superstars.

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Sunday: Obligatory Shout-Out to SB Nation Sister-Site

Despite their stadium thievery, their frequent roster dismantling, and their fairly inept hiring of managers, the Marlins may not even be the most dysfunctional organization in the N.L. East. Keep on living the dream, Amazin' Avenue!