A fanblog's completely unreasonable plan for the Reds at the Winter Meetings

As you might recall, I outlined a perfectly irrational strategy for the Reds at the July 31st trade deadline this season. They followed exactly zero of my proposals, leading me to believe that I just wasn't shouting loud enough. So we'll try this again, but with many, many more exclamation points!!

The Winter Meetings are only a week away. Things get started next Monday, December 3rd and run through Thursday the 6th. One can assume the Reds have already finalized their plans, but if they are anything like me (and I'm pretty sure they are), they have spent the last two months or so eating Combos and destroying the 14x14 bonus pack on Flows for the iPad. If that is indeed the case (and I'm pretty sure it is), I would love it if they would take a look at some of my proposals here.

Trade Didi Gregorius, Mike Leake, Chris Heisey and Logan Ondrusek for Justin Upton and Gerardo Parra

It's pretty clear that the biggest need right now is in the outfield. Ryan Ludwick is a free agent and Drew Stubbs could probably use a cold bucket of water dumped over his head. This is the perfect trade, because it solves two problems with one stone.

Upton has played right field his entire career, but he should be able to shift over to left field with no issues. Plus, he's like a right-handed Jay Bruce, so he'd slot into the clean-up spot perfectly between Bruce and Joey Votto. Parra is a lefty who plays a good center field, so he can hit lead-off and be the left side of a platoon with Stubbs. Win-win.

As for the Diamondbacks, they want a young shortstop in return for Upton, and Gregorius is blocked by Zack Cozart. They'd probably want Heisey back to replace the outfielders they are shipping away. Leake played his college ball at Arizona State, so that's like perfect. And I would think they'd want somebody like Ondrusek because the Reds don't need him.

Trade Didi Gregorius, Drew Stubbs and Logan Ondrusek for Giancarlo Stanton

If the Diamondbacks for some stupid whatever reason don't want to play ball, this could be a fallback position. The Reds have options, which is totally sweet. Stanton, like Upton, is a right fielder, but he should be able to move over without any problems. He could be a better, younger version of Upton, and would fit into the clean-up spot perfectly. The Marlins are probably going to trade him anyway, because they seem to be trading everyone right now. And they seem really desperate to trade everyone, I don't know why, probably because they've decided they don't like baseball anymore. Whatever, the Reds should be there to seize the opportunity.

They would probably want Gregorius as the headliner of the deal because it looks like they are collecting young shortstops for some reason. They got Yunel Escobar and Adeiny Hechavarria in the their fire sale deal with the Blue Jays, so maybe they really like shortstops or something. Stubbs struggled this past year so the Reds should look to get rid of him if they can, and the Marlins might really like his great defense in the vast expanses of center field at Joe Robbie Stadium. Again, Ondrusek would be a sweetener here.

Sign Mariano Rivera

Aroldis Chapman was the closer for the Reds in 2012, and he was awesome. He could probably be one of the best closers of all time, but the Reds want him to move to the rotation. I think it's a good idea, but only if you can get a closer to take his place. Enter Mo.

Chapman could be one of the best closers of all time, but Rivera is the best closer of all time. He's a free agent now so the Reds should totally work on getting him. He's coming off ACL surgery and is 42-years-old, so he should come pretty cheap.

Trade Todd Frazier for David Wright

This one is probably the toughest, because Todd Frazier is totally awesome and radical. But Wright is even radicaler, so I think you have to make this trade. Right now, the Reds have Frazier penciled in as the starting third baseman going into next season. But he's young and could slump, so it might be a good time to sell high.

Wright is one of the top three hot-sackers in the league, and the Reds should definitely get him. He's better than Frazier, hands down, so this move would really make the team better. The Mets are probably going to trade him when they can't sign him to an extension, so the Reds should totally work on getting him.

Frazier would be a perfect fit with the Mets because he grew up in New Jersey. He talks like they talk, so they would probably sell a million Frazier jerseys and end up making tons of money.

Trade Homer Bailey and Kyle Lotzkar for David Price

David Price just won the AL Cy Young Award. We need him.

The Rays could look to trade their ace this winter because he is getting expensive and they have no money. They always want young pitching, and Lotzkar is one of the best prospects the Reds have right now. Not as good as Robert Stephenson, Tony Cingrani and Daniel Corcino, but I wouldn't trade them.

Price would be a perfect fit for the Reds, as they need a left-handed starter. This would give them a rotation of Price, Johnny Cueto, Mat Latos, Aroldis Chapman and Bronson Arroyo, which would be like the best ever.

Projected lineup:

Parra CF
Wright 3B
Votto 1B
Upton/Stanton LF
Bruce RF
Phillips 2B
Cozart SS
Hanigan C

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This would make the Reds one of the most dominant teams in history, and as you can see, it's all totally doable. They won 97 games last year, but lost in the Division Series. If they can pull this all off, they could win 120 games and sweep the World Series. I don't know about you, but I think that would be a good idea.

Of course, getting Upton/Stanton, Rivera, Wright and Price would add a good deal of money to the Reds' payroll, but I've already figured out a way to pay for it.

Make Reds hats in tons of different colors

The Yankees already do this, and you know how much money they have. Like, a ton of money. You see tie-dyed Yankees hats, camo Yankees hats, black-and-white checkered Yankees hats, even Confederate-replica Yankees hats. The Reds should totally do this, too. Hats are insanely expensive, like, $20 or $30. But people really like them and buy them all the time, so you could even charge $40 a hat and make out like bandits. Think about it. They could sell a million hats at $40 apiece and make like $400 million. That would easily cover the costs of getting all the players I think they should get.

This is all so easy. Give me a call, Walt!