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Red It, Watched It, And Wept - Week of 11/11/12

Covering what other writers are too scared too preoccupied with actual news to cover.

"You, sir, are the most handsome man on Earth."
"You, sir, are the most handsome man on Earth."
Jim McIsaac

Monday - The Corky Miller Picture Show

We here at RIWIAW love our parent websites of Red Reporter and SBNation. They provide the content that allows us to get dozens (DOZENS) of page clicks, while simultaneously sending us cease and desist letters when we release adult videos under their imprimatur (you’re missing an awesome niche market, guys). As such, we’re contractually obligated lightly persuaded to point out great examples of SBNation journalism-ism. Today’s example? A spot-on explanationn that Corky Miller is the David Koresh Lynch of the Cincinnati Reds. Not only does this article demonstrate how awesome Miller is, but also it shows how lame all the other teams’ cult players are. In fact, if Tony Campana was on the Reds, he wouldn’t even be the most interesting player named Tony.

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Tuesday - Coffey Shrugged

About a month ago, we here at RIWIAW lamented the fact that Todd Coffey’s golden tweets about President Obama destroying our freedoms and giving us socialism (THAT WE HAVE TO PAY TAXES FOR, PAWWWWWWLL) were not actually from him, but rather, his 14-year-old son. Welp, it turns out that Todd actually DID send out those Tweets. Or, at the very least, proved that the apple does not fall far from the morbidly obese tree. Upon learning that Operation #FAAAARRRRRBARRY was unsuccessful on Tuesday, Coffey’s Twitter feed went Galt; depriving dozens of Twitter looters users his production.

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Wednesday – A Bunch of PECOTA

It’s not often that we here at RIWIAW can enter the political arena on topics not involving Todd Coffey or Luke Scott (we blame the Fairness Doctrine). However, it appears we have one more excuse to do so this Election Week Month Year Biennial Day by referencing the brilliance of Nate Silver. As you sabermaticians may recall, Mr. Silver was previously known as the guy who helped put together PECOTA projections. Since then, he has run the successful and informative 538Blog. Prior to Election Day, Mr. Silver predicted that the President had an 88% chance to win reelection based on the electoral map. This did not go over well with some people. While some individuals clung to guns and religion the fact that Silver’s predictions have not panned out in all instances and were based off of #SKEWED polls, their doubt was for naught. Silver won the day in predicting the results of all 50 states. (Editor’s note: not much credit is given to predicting the electoral vote distributions from West Virginia, Vermont, and Idaho.)

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Thursday - LaRue the Day.

We here at RIWIAW have been somewhat stoic about Johnny Cueto not being named a Cy Young finalist (as well as being completely cool using the pluperfect). After all, it’s been fairly obvious since August that R.A. Dickey will win the award. However, that doesn’t stop us from pointing out that it isn’t only @BestFansStLouis can demonstrate the absolute class of Cardinals fans. To the contrary, the thread on this ESPN article that articulates why Cueto was better than several other nominees is chock-full of Cardinal musings that probably belong on comment boards to Youtube videos and conspiracy theorist websites.

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Friday – Yasmanian Revelation

Yasmani Grandal, a linchpin in one of the dumbest Tweets ever, became the second former-Red and current San Diego Padre implicated in the use of performance enhancing drugs. Unlike Edinson Volquez, Grandal had the decency not to use family planning as an excuse. Regardless of this, it appears that Yasmani will sit out at least the first fifty games of 2013. For Reds fans with trader’s remorse, rest assured that this is roughly the equivalent to the number of games Devin Mesoraco will sit out in 2013 due to being in Dusty Baker’s doghouse.

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Saturday - Comment(s) of the Week


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Sunday - A Sigh of Relief

In a dramatic departure from previous Reds’ administrations, it appears the Reds are actively going after pitchers that they know are coming off injuries. Ken Rosenthal reports that Cincinnati has not only spoken to Ryan Madson, but also former Royals’ closer Joakim Soria who, like Madson, is coming off of Tommy John surgery. The Reds may have come full circle after years of rotation reclamation projects involving the Paul Wilsons, Brian Moehlers, Shawn Estes' , and Kyle Lohses and have embraced the fact if you're going to go bargain hunting, it better not be for cornerstones of a rotation.