Top 10 Possible Explanations for Why Yesterday's Game Was Postponed:
10) Fay was entrusted to inform someone about a burnt-out lightbulb in the press box, but ended up texting the grounds crew "re;aly dark herre. lightning going crazy. sned helpx"
9) Ken Griffey, Jr. was asleep in the clubhouse
8) Joey Votto decided to Vulcan Mind Meld everyone so he could have a day off (It was National Aboriginal Day, after all)
6) Day of mourning for Ryan Dunn
5) Slyde got a new calculator, and just really wanted to play with it
4) Jay Bruce was hitting the ball too hard in batting practice, and wanted to give the other team at least a fighting chance
3) Mark Teixeira's Pomeranian "Glitter Princess" broke a nail and had to be rushed to a local animal hospital
2) CC Sabathia got so hungry he started hallucinating, and then devoured all the baseballs thinking they were marshmallows
..........and the #1 reason the game wasn't played yesterday? (spoiler alert!)
1) She is really a 33-year-old psychopathic woman who was born with proportional dwarfism, which causes her to have the appearance of a child. She also happens to be a former prostitute, who had wealthy pedophiles for clients. She escaped from an insane asylum and posed as a child so she could be adopted.