Red Reporter Ballpark Guide

Last year, our own jch24 graced us with a four-part guide to Cincinnati and Great American Ballpark, providing a thorough overview of travel/lodging, dining, entertainment and the game experience - primarily for out-of-town visitors. This season, I thought we might could build on his foundational work, drilling down a little to try some critical reviews of items in and around Great American. This would include food and drink served at the park, gift shop purchases and nearby bar specials. If they decide to start serving bulgogi at a concession stand, it might benefit Reporters to know whether it's worth shelling out the $14.99, plus digestive tax. This probably doesn't include "public urination spots on Pete Rose Way" or "An Anti-Chris Carpenter Sign with Two Innuendos I Liked."

If you consume something in the general vicinity of GABP, we might want to hear 250-400 well-chosen words about it. Tell us what it is, where you can find and what you thought about. Pictures are a plus. And every review needs a point scale. I'm proposing using the farm system (Rookie, A, AA, AAA and Major League) - although some weirdness might result from the fact that Major League is equivalent to an "A." But confusing is the new intelligent.

Something like this Serious Eats review of Senate's "Croque Madame" is a decent template - it's descriptive and includes information about complements:

Senate's Croque Madame-an all-beef frank on a brioche roll, wrapped in black forest ham, covered in bechamel and topped with a poached egg-is probably the most intense hot dog I have ever eaten.
Other options range from the kimchi and short rib topped "Koreana" to crazy specials involving bacon relish and deep-fried cheese curds, or go for a classic Chicago style dog. These are "haute dogs" taken to the next level and done right. Even more delicious with a side of truffle fries and local beer.

We're looking for weirder, funnier, more Baseball-centric. In a word, more "redreporter." Tag it "Red Reporter Ballpark Guide," title it "Ballpark Guide:_____" and just like that, it's added to the commonweal. We'll put it on the front page as long as there are no obvious conflicts of interest or threats to my family.