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10 Fan Sections I'd Like to See at Great American Ball Park

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Fan sections at major league ballparks boast a colorful history, ranging from well-mannered (at leastcompared to soccer hooligans) gangs of die-hards like the "Bleacher Creatures" to team-sponsored signage dedicated to promoting an individual star player, like the vaguely-suggestive "Mannywood." While recent Reds teams have had difficulty saddling their marketing forces to a vanguard of stars, the Reds of the 2010s have their youthful core in place - most of whom have agreed to some kind of extension - and a recognizable veteran supporting cast that will be around through at least 2012. What better time to proliferate pun-based, rhyming banners all over Great American? At the very least, in might be a good antidote to the wall-to-wall ads.

Votto's Grotto

This one is practically makes itself. The team's best player - he of only a medium-term extension - needs to know he's wanted. Fans would be encouraged to wear smoking jackets or bespoke-tailored tuxedoes, not unlike the one Votto himself wore to accept his MVP.

Stubb's Hubb

Might run afoul of copyright infringement. Or maybe it's a great corporate sponsorship opportunity. Either way, make sure to mail me a finder's fee when the time comes.

Bruce's Bruisers

A roving band of roustabouts that politely explains why you're mistaken if you suggest Bruce should sit against tough lefties.

BP Express

Another one straddling the line between corporate partnership and lawsuit. While scale-model oil rig installed next to the riverboat in right-center that spews a jet of flames every time BP hits a home run would probably be in poor taste, it would almost certainly get the Reds back on to ESPN's radar.

Rolen Deep

Scott Rolen has hit two HRs to left field thus far in 2011. The sole aim of this section, planted in the OF bleachers, is to compel Rolen to continue his late-career power surge through the life of his contract with the Reds.

Arroyo's Ditch

In an effort to redirect the name Arroyo from association with modern rock power-ballads to its original Spanish, there will be a ditch on the field next to the Red's dugout.

My Old Kentucky Gomes

It's time to give the Northern Kentucky Reds fan a place to fall out. While Gomes is a California boy, he's also a fan favorite and deserving of recognition alongside another sometimes unfairly-maligned group.

105.1 FM: A/C Power!

Even though they're confusing radio waves with alternating current, they've got their heart in the right place. Poised over the radar gun read-out, fans in this section are prepared to change the name of the section should Chapman break the land-speed record again. And they probably wear AC/DC shirts. And chuck specially-packaged A-Rold-is Gold pretzels at all comers.


This is mostly just a meta-joke at LA's expense. But I'm guessing this could help make budding starter Travis Wood feel more comfortable in his first full season in a big league rotation by incorporating comforting allusions to his Arkansas roots, such as Bill Clinton Halloween masks and Razorback hats.

Or some combination of the two: