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Red It, Watched It, And Wept - Week of 12/2

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Special "We Didn’t Want To Bump Down Redsfest Coverage Edition"

Hopefully everyone is recovering from a great 2011 Redsfest. If not, you could at least stop spamming the #Redsfest hashtag on Twitter. We won't should be back on our regular schedule this upcoming Friday. Until, then, feel free to read the outdated news we've assembled from the past week!

Saturday: Crackin' Rose

What is it about this time of year that leads people to write countless stories on Pete Rose? Is it because Rose's publicist hasn't updated his game plan since 1994? Or is it simply because Thanksgiving gives us the opportunity to examine turkeys of all shapes, sizes, and styles (or lack thereof). Sure, there's Rose's interview on Yahoo sports, but if you want to get more meta-introspective, take a look at Yossustin's tl;dr and SBNation's shorter tl;dr here on Red Reporter!

Sunday: WMP Found In Japan

(Editor's note: file this under "Sunday Is a Slow News Day So We're Forced to Report On Former Reds.")

MLB Trade Rumors is reporting that former Red, Juan Francisco 1.0 Russell Branyan 1.5 Wily Mo Pena is close to signing with the Fukuoka Softbank Hawks. The Softbank Hawks are known as having the largest number of mascots in Nippon Professional Baseball with their 8 member Hawk family: Harry Hawk, Honey Hawk, Harculy Hawk, Honkery Hawk, Helen Hawk, Huck Hawk, Rick Hawk, and Hock Hawk. This number expands to nine if you include Brady Quinn who joined the Hawks via marriage.

Monday: SEC Speedballs

Hey, do you remember how the Marlins' owner guaranteed attendance of over 40,000 a game at the Marlins new stadium in order to entice county investors? Well, the Securities and Exchange Commission thinks something is fishy (sorry) about the new stadium financing. (There's always money in the aquarium tank) Frankly, it's about a decade too late here in Cincinnati about time that the SEC has started investigating sweet-heart stadium deals. We here at RIWIAW say this not only in terms of our respect for fiscal government responsibility, but also as fans of incredibly lame jokes about confusing the SEC governmental structure with the football conference.

Tuesday: Dole-ing Out Money for the Banana Phone?

The collateral damage can be catastrophic when a Fortune 500 company moves out of a city. One of the possible casualties of Chiquita moving from Cincinnati is the Chiquita Banana Phone on Reds radio broadcasts. We here at RIWIAW hope that the Banana Phone can continue to operate under a different sponsor. Few things are as entertaining as listening to Marty Brennaman belittle intoxicated half-wits field questions from intelligent Reds fans.

Wednesday: If Every Offseason Was Like the 2010 Offseason

Ever wonder what would have happened if the Reds had no money and refused to talk to anyone for a decade? CBS Sports did! As a change of pace from writing articles about Bernie Fine, the sports site has decided to showcase what Major League rosters would look like if teams neither traded nor acquired talent via free agency. The good news? Sans BP, the Reds lineup remains largely intact. The bad news? So does the rotation.

Thursday: Comment of the Week - Rec'd Won For the Reference!

In reference to Matt Maloney becoming a Minnesota Twin:


Friday: Another %%#^&(*(%^*$ing Mascot?

Is Mr. Redlegs too old school for you? Does Rosie Red remind you too much of a supporting actress from a Geena Davis movie? Does your furry fandom end before you get to fully appreciate Gapper? Well then, get ready for a fourth Reds mascot: Mr. Red!