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Red Reposter - Let's all politely welcome the Florida Marlins to Cincinnati

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Whelp, it's Friday, which means we go to the machine and check the Red Reposter Redleg Revelator (a service of Charlies Scrabbles, who is currently spending 40 days in the desert to fast, reflect, center, purify himself and tweet his underwhelming epiphanies to an uncaring universe). 47. The number of games left in the season. I didn't think so either, but I multiplied 1 x 47 and it checks out.)

Cincinnati's paper of record has some advice for Brandon Phillips
Never trash talk and then go 2-for-14 and get swept. However, do trash talk and sweep the series. Or don't trash talk and sweep. There were several better options available. Don't lose at all if possible for that matter, in perpetuity, throughout the universe. Also, I hadn't heard this quote before from Cueto yet: "I was breaking it up. Next thing I know, 20 people are pushing me — back to the net, feet up."  When explaining your role in a violent event, you're always on shaky ground with the phrase "next thing I know." It's a yada-yada-style brand of factual ellision. But what compels men in the chaos of the fight? Don Zimmer to go after Pedro Martinez - or Pedro to push the elder statesman to the ground? Fight or flight type responses, that happen before you, in some sense, "know it."

Hall o' Famer Hal limits his liability
Hal has gotten some undeserved heat for going to press with Phillips' now infamous comments. He reminds readers of his role as journalist  - and I can't imagine any sportswriter sitting on that goldmine. The beauty of interviewing athletes is that, while much of what they say can be cliched or stage-managed, they're also less likely to go on "deep background" with a juicy morsel.

Hal refuses to get judgmental:

Phillips clammed up after his initial salvo, but to his credit, he never backed down on his comments, never said he was misquoted or thought it was off the record. I believe he thought it might fire up his teammates because he was tired of the Cardinals dominating the Reds. And I loved it when he said he was only saying what a whole bunch of people around the league thought about the Cardinals.

...

After the fight, I approached Phillips when nobody was around and said, "I’m sorry, man, I never thought it would come to this." And he said, "What’d you do? You didn’t do anything. I did it."

The gavel comes down
Burying of the lede a bit here on purpose. What remains to be said about Molina Mosh Pit? The Midwest Melee? The Missouri Lack of Compromise? Cueto gets seven, Dusty gets two. Mark Sheldon reflects the general consensus in Redsland that Molina and Carpenter got off easy.

Reds are expecting decent crowds for this weekend's sweep of Florida
I'm sorry, I didn't learn anything this week. John Erardi alerts us to the fact that the first 20,000 fans will each get a Jonny-Gomes-approved garden gnome Saturday night.

Big League Stew invites your captions for an exchange between Gomes and that UFC guy
One of the many disappointments to blood-lusting Reds fans during the Cardinals series was the fact that Jonny Gomes UN-ed it up. But the man is not your garden-variety tough guy. And his mere presence caused Chris Carpenter deep emotional harm.

To fill demand, the internet has begin auto-generating news of the weird stories about Pete Rose
PETE ROSE appears in a CAR DEALER-SHIP advertisement in which he again offers himself up for ridicule by (VERB PHRASE NEEDED).  Author: Steve Humanname

MLBTradeRumors lists the Reds as a potential suitor for Derek Jeter
I think this list also doubles as the list of every active major league team. Ok, enough Reds, I'm needed back on my Derek Jeter blog.