Slate.com reviews the season premiere of Dancing With the Stars: ..We began with the NFL's Chad Ochocinco, whose appeal to the libido was hardly limited to when his shirt was open. (Part of the show's suspense concerns if and when we'll glimpse the men's navels and the women's coin slots.) Trying to seduce both the camera and his partner (in that order), Ochocinco relied on a Jamie Foxx-style ironic-but-not slow-jam technique. His trick was to tease his own preening—comically puckering his lips at his own reflection, for instance. He was spoofing himself as a pretty boy while accentuating his prettiness. And yet, on the dance floor, Ochocinco, despite his hip-switching moves, shared little chemistry with his partner, whose name is Cheryl. It was not precisely erotic when he pressed his face into her sternum. This anti-eroticism didn't quite matter to Bruno Tonioli, one of the show's judges, a spicy little fellow given to ribald humor. There must a specific term for Bruno's go-to rhetorical move, which is maybe a cousin of paralipis. Five or six times per episode, he serves up a double entendre or potentially saucy comment, and then, having incited in-studio titters, declares something like: No, no, no, that's not what I meant, you naughty, naughty things. Bruno told Ochocinco that he had "a huge, huge, huge … talent yet untapped." Ochocinco played along: "I still got a long way to go. She's gotta keep on drillin' me hard," leaving us with a vision of Cheryl and Ochocinco attempting maneuvers including the sesenta y nueve... Click the link above for more descriptive awesomeness: Shannon Doherty, Erin Andrews and yup, Pam Anderson.