boobs recently hypothesized that our friend Johnnypronto is actually Homer Bailey stalking this website and (ahem) yanking our chains:

actually, i think pronto is just homer f***ing with us

It led me to wonder whether that could possibly be the case, but then I wondered whether Homer Bailey would buy a shirt like this, never having mentioned his faith, to my knowledge.  I decided that being reticent about one's faith probably would be inconsistent with wearing a shirt like that.

I personally had explored the possibility that Johnnypronto was actually Dusty Baker blogging from the dugout, but then I reconsidered, since he appeared to actually have done more than merely "listen" to the way Homer was pitching.  I give Johnnypronto credit for that.

I then wondered, given his hard-headedness regarding the official definition of what is a "quality start" (6 IP, with less than 3 ER) and his single-minded focus on the topic of Homer Bailey, whether he might be Michael, but then I realized that he did not display the same tendencies with respect to posting inane diaries about his single subject. 

Thoughts of Michael led me to suspect that Johnnypronto was actually NEILYNG in disguise.  I dismissed those thoughts when I realized that he did not tend to use ALL CAPS or references to baby-boomer rock in his posts, nor did he ever ask anyone to "eat a peach" or "build a bridge and get over it."

I then thought, who would want both Daryl Thompson and Homer Bailey demoted to AAA?  Who would want Harang to get an MRI?

Therefore, my working hypothesis is that he is actually Josh Fogg.

Any other theories?

I hate slow threads. I hate slow threads. I hate slow threads. I hate slow threads. I hate slow threads. I hate slow threads. I hate slow threads. I hate slow threads. I hate slow threads. I hate slow threads.

I hate slow threads. I hate slow threads. I hate slow threads. I hate slow threads. I hate slow threads. I hate slow threads. I hate slow threads. I hate slow threads. I hate slow threads. I hate slow threads.

Inspired by Brendan's comment last night, I thought it would be a good idea to settle the important issue of which mustache is the definitive Red Reporter Official Mustache.  I did not include people who are not going to stick around for long (Jason Ellison) or people who don't seem to be making an effort to actually have a mustache but have a beard and a bit of 5:00 shadow on their upper lip (Arroyo, Harang, etc.).  So who's got the best mustache on the Reds?  boobs is not a choice this time, because I find the concept itself somewhat disturbing.

Is it the classic LLM mustache?

Or is it the up-and-coming "Cantustache"?

Everyday Eddie?

The Most Valuable Mustache for 2007?

NoHo, the scrappiest mustache on the team?

In all fairness, I had to add McJeffsky's Bucco Bruce look, but I doubt it's anyone's favorite (and according to Bubbafan, it's been shaved off):

  Why do people love baseball?  I love baseball because I can watch players that loaf all the time and don't care at all and even suck doing it.  I like players with "large intestine," not heart.

  The difference is that I only care about those who don't care for the game, or the ones who are too good for practice.  I don't care about the ones who care enough to give the fans what they paid for, effort.  No.  Give me the guy who loafs and doesn't care, because those who do care sometimes rely on heart, but if you have a heart, you might not get ahead, and if you get ahead, you might win by a nose, and if you win by a nose, you can avoid defeat, and if you avoid defeat, you might get Coutlangus...

     Chicks dig hustle and dirty uniforms.  We have all heard that saying.  Well, I dig the loafer who sucks at what he does.  I love the players who don't care about what people think about them and just have the courage, the large intestine, to let it all hang out in the end and say to the fans, "Screw you.  I know I suck, but I make more money than you can ever even dream of seeing, and I am really going to hurt your favorite ballclub."  That's the power of large intestine for you.  I want someone who will never risk injury and give his 20% and furthermore suck and hurt the team doing it.  Is that too much to ask?  Those that don't care will be forever admired by baseball fans like me.  Baseball players who are great players, but who do care will be loved by millions.  I guess those players would rather be loved by millions.  But, could you imagine if those great players didn't care?  They could singlehandedly sink an entire season for a team.  How great they could be.

     I will leave you with one final thought.  The hustle players get by with the talent and hustle that God gave them, but it takes a truly great man to just skate by with the minimum and sow dissension in a clubhouse.  Those are the true warriors get by with what God gave us all, large intestine.

Just for Zach.  Just for Zach.  Just for Zach.  Just for Zach.  Just for Zach.  Just for Zach.  Just for Zach.  Just for Zach.  Just for Zach.
Just for Zach.  Just for Zach.  Just for Zach.
Just for Zach.  Just for Zach.  Just for Zach.
Just for Zach.  Just for Zach.  Just for Zach.

(If anyone else wants to post here, they can too.)

According to this story, Scott Proctor, a New York Yankees relief pitcher, set fire to his glove after a 7-0 loss to the Oakland A's on Saturday.

According to the article:

Proctor carried his personal game equipment out to the field long after Saturday's 7-0 loss to Oakland and set it ablaze on the gravel outside the New York dugout, leading to tabloid headlines of "Proctor All Fired Up" and "Proctor in shambles, burns glove."

"It was all just a joke, man, I mean really," Proctor said. "Just something I've done in the past."

Proctor, who said he couldn't remember if the fire worked when he was struggling in Triple-A, pitched 1 1-3 scoreless innings in the Yankees' 11-5 loss to Oakland on Sunday. He got a mixed reaction from the Yankee Stadium crowd when he entered in the eighth inning.

He had allowed six runs and 10 hits in his previous 4 1-3 innings.

Wow.  Six runs in 4 1/3 innings (a 12.46 ERA) is actually pretty good for Gary McJeffsky (who has a 15.88 ERA) and all in a day's work for most other Reds' relievers.

If Proctor burned his glove, what should be burned to right the Reds' bullpen?

In a departure from tradition, boobs is not a choice in the poll, although you can write him (or anyone else) in.

When you can run?

OK.  I have to give credit where credit is due.

Jerry Narron is not as much of a moron as I had first thought.

From the Enquirer:

"HOP ON TOP: Norris Hopper is an ideal leadoff guy in that he doesn't strike out much. He can run and he's an excellent bunter. He's not an ideal leadoff guy in that his batting average was exactly the same as his on-base percentage going into Wednesday's game: .286, meaning no walks in 49 at-bats.

"'Hop's done a good job for us,' Jerry Narron said. 'He puts the ball in play. But he doesn't get the bases on balls you'd like to see from a speed guy'" (emphasis mine).

Hey.  That's progress.  Narron actually appreciates that you need OBP from your speed guy in order to have him hitting leadoff with any effectiveness.

Whether he actually does anything with that knowledge is another matter entirely.

Geki put up a nice post last night regarding the state of the Reds thus far, and it had a lot of good points in it, especially about Dunn.

He also made a proposal (which I think makes a lot of sense) that we now refer to the relief pitchers by letter instead of name, since they all stink so bad right now.  I think this is a wonderful idea.  Here is my stab at assigning letters:

Cormier - F (naturally) Update [2007-4-20 12:53:40 by Paul Householder]: (can also be "U", "H" or "R")
Weathers - E (what we say when he comes in)
Stanton - B (about right if you were to grade his performance thus far)
Coffey - P (what you do when you have too much coffey)
Coutlangus - X (of course)
Santos - O (a nice surprise thus far)
Saarloos - L (what seems to result when he comes in)
Bray - I (for incomplete)
McJeffsky - D (as in DL)

Feel free to chime in if you have other proposals or just want to rant and rave about the bullpen.