Five Dumb Predictions: The Dumbest Yet

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! - Rob Schumacher-USA TODAY Sports

So dumb that it's not even five.

Since I'm the fifth person to do my five predictions, it will probably mean they come true.

Homer Bailey will win 20 games

I actually had this pinned down before the extension talk.

Homer's been a tough-luck pitcher all his career so far, and it seems like it'll be times for the stars to align and actually work out in his favor this time. If he goes into the seventh inning in enough starts, he ought to face enough crappy teams. Lord knows the bullpen ought to hold enough goshdern leads. It'd be nice to see Old Hoss get some round numbers. And maybe even another no-no.

Joey Votto will hit 50 doubles

Matt Carpenter hit 55 last year, and he's half the hitter Votto is.

Votto had 44 in 474 PAs back in 2012 and has never hit less than 30, so it's not like this is crazy. He smacks a bunch more into gaps than last year and he's got it easy. And with Felonious Billonious on base ahead of him, that's a whole bunch more RBIs, too.

The Reds end the season hot

They start off August with six against the Marlins and four with the Spiders. Their four-gamer in Denver is the only big road trip left of the year after that, and with series against the Orioles, Mets, Cubs and Brewers in September, the Reds ought to be ready for what comes next. Their final week is at GABP to boot.

Some reliever we love is traded for a very useful piece

There's a lot to love in the bullpen, to be sure. But some other team is going to be wrist-deep in outfielders but desperate for bullpen help, and Jocketty is going to pick up the phone. There might be some teeth-gnashing and heartfelt goodbyes, but it will be a better team for it. Speaking of heartfelt goodbyes, being a better team, etc...

Ryan Ludwick is going to be cut

2012 was great, but he's old and may not produce. If Heisey and/or Skip get off like gangbusters and he doesn't, it won't be hard to say goodbye. Ol' brotherman was fun to have around, but if he's hitting on the interstate in July, I don't think he'll stick around.

Sixth and Stupidest:

I will get out of dodge and move to the Weezst Coast

Just not to Vancouver. Fuck Vancouver.

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