CORKY CORKY CORKY CORKY! Reds Corky, Cubs 9.

Demigod. - Jayne Kamin-Oncea-USA TODAY Spor

CORKY CORKY CORKY CORKY CORKY!

The Joe Nuxhall Memorial CORKY CORKY CORKY CORKY CORKY CORKY

Corky Miller is seven feet tall!  He kills pitchers by the hundreds!  And if he'd played the whole game, he'd have consumed the Cubs with fireballs from his eyes and bolts of lightning from his arse!

Alas, said Corkster was relegated to a supporting role for the majority of the game, and he was unable to unleash more than just one stachebash before the laws of baseball dictated that the time for playing had passed.  But the Cubs shan't sleep easy this evening, for they will certainly know that Corky hath revenge upon his mind...and upon his mustache.

Nobody else deserves a parable of their plight, for none are Corky other than Corky himself.

Key Plays

  • Spaghetti's poor back was stabbed with a fork, twisted around until secured, and eaten for the better part of two innings before busboys cleared the plate and decided it was time for desert.  They put Reynolds wrap on the main course to preserve its ability to be devoured for later, and the Cubs proceeded to quench the thirst of their Partched palettes. 
  • The resulting disaster fell in the lap of said Corkster, and Cork cork'd as admirably as one could expect a Cork to cork when given the opportunity.  The 'stache doubled to score a piping hot Cozart, thereby accounting for the entirety of the Reds offense for the evening.  It will require more than the feats of mere mortals to provide worthy comparison, nay compliment, to the actions provided by the stache of Corky displayed this evening; one can but hope the power of Corky will demand said actions sooner rather than later.  Cubs prevail, more to fewer.

FanGraph Section that Belies the Valiant Nature of His Corkness


Source: FanGraphs

Other Notes

SB Nation Featured Video
X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Red Reporter

You must be a member of Red Reporter to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Red Reporter. You should read them.

Join Red Reporter

You must be a member of Red Reporter to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Red Reporter. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9351_tracker