If this were your homepage, you'd be home by now! It is now that time of the week, the time for JPEGs. Last week's winner is titled The Golem Vanquishes El Niño Destructor. It earned 52% of your votes. You know, I can usually count on about half a joke to kinda keep this whole stupid boat together every week. That decent half-joke can make for a mildly amusing JPEG, and then the other two are more or less filler. So I'm usually pretty confident in my guess of which one is going to win the vote each week. But I guessed way wrong this time. I should have known though that classic Red Reporter memes earn bonus points for inside jokiness.
This week in Reds' baseball, something strange and magical and ridiculous and unprecedented happened, so I drew up a few about that. And then one more you know because of filler.
Aroldis Chapman Tries to Bunt
If you haven't seen it yet, you should see it. Baseball is just so silly fun sometimes, you know? But fer serious, look at how enormous Chapman is. I mean, he looks big when he's on the mound. But there's something about that stance or that angle or something. He looks like vintage Jason Giambi.
Until, of course, he tries to bunt. He goes from a hulking Giambisaurus to one of those carnival folk riding a tall tricycle.
Needless to say, the whole thing didn't inspire confidence in Dusty Baker. He decided to take off the bunt.
Dusty Takes Off the Bunt
And then Mark Berry just looked at him, probably because the right sign for taking off a bunt is right wrist/right wrist/cap bill/swipe chest/fire finger revolvers like Yosemite Sam or something.
J.J. Hoover Eats His Feelings
In Tuesday's game against the Diamondbacks, the Reds were trailing by a slim 1-0 margin in the eighth inning. Sam LeCure came on to try to keep it close, but he gave up three-straight weak singles to load the bases. J.J. Hoover was called to work against Paul Goldschmidt, who swings the bat. Hoover had not given up an earned run in almost 30 innings of work, but Goldschmidt indeed swung the bat and launched a 3-2 pitch into the night to give the DBacks a 5-0 lead.
J.J Hoover is a quiet guy. He took the loss the stride, or at least, it looked like it. But he went home that night with the loss gnawing at his gut. He decided to make himself a snack.
Hoov has a special way he likes to eat his Manwich. He always opens two cans and cooks up a pound of ground round. After mixing it all up, he puts the Manwich back in the cans and uses them as bowls. Easier clean up. And he doesn't have to bother with getting a package of buns out of the garage freezer and thawing them. It's comfort food for the big fella, after all.