Red Reposter - God exists and She hates you

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In this edition, my therapist has dollar signs in her eyeballs because the Reds are possibly thinking about Jeff Francouer and that means I would, medically speaking, drop all my shit so hard.

Worst Baseball Player in Baseball Jeff Francouer, recently culled by the Royals (the Royals, I mean, come on)
is looking for a new team to latch on to. Rosenthal says he's down to three teams, one of which is your Cincinnati Reds.

You know, the Reds have earned a ton of goodwill these past few years, winning two of the last three NL Central division crowns and what not. It has changed me. I don't get nearly as upset by things as I once did. There were nights I'd be up until the wee hours working myself into hypertension thinking about Willy Taveras, Corey Patterson, and the like. But those days are long behind me, and I'm healthier for it. I've lost some weight and that skin thing has cleared up. Thanks, Reds.

But oh my god I read this thing about Francouer and I scarfed a box of oatmeal creme pies and I can't stop scratching my arms. This is real bad. Word is that Frenchy will most likely only get a minor-league deal wherever he signs, but I just know I will be binging and chafing like there's no tomorrow if he is in any capacity employed by this organization.

You should check out the game tonight
Homer Bailey is going for his second no-hitter in a row, and you would kick yourself if you missed it. First pitch is about 8:00 pm tonight in Milwaukee.

Jay Bruce did not make the All-Star Team and he's all, "whatevs"
"It's a little disappointing. I'm not the first guy and I definitely won't be the last guy left off an All-Star team, I can tell you that," Bruce said on Sunday morning. "It happens every year. It would do me no good to gripe and moan or complain. I've got a job to do. It's one of those things. It's baseball. It's life. You definitely can't discount the years that the guys named on the team are having."

He's having an All-Star-caliber year anyway, bruising 44 extra-base hits so far. You know, it absolutely amazes me that he has such a reputation as a horrendously inconsistent player. In every season since 2010, he has posted an OPS+ between 117 and 124. For all the inconsistency, it's amazing how consistent he actually is.

Aroldis Chapman's parents defected to the US back in January
and will be in attendance at the All-Star Game to see their kid throwing fireballs. It's easy to forget that Chapman's life is pretty messed up, relatively speaking. Communism, dude. He doesn't talk about it at all really, so I know I don't think about it unless prompted by something like this. His parents made it here back in January and they spent spring training with him in Arizona. His wife and his kid -whom he has never met, and she's like three or four now - are still in Cuba, but he hopes they will be here in the States soon.

Ryan Hanigan just dealt with an ankle thing
so now Devin Mesoraco is dealing with a back thing. He should be okay here directly, but it would be nice if both these guys could stay healthy and get to hitting like we know they can.

Hall o' Famer Hal is all indignant again
This piece is "premium" content from the DDN, so I can't read it. But I'm perfectly happy attempting to paraphrase. Hal probably thinks the Reds don't have enough of TWTW because they dropped two of three to the Mariners. Fine, I guess. I mean, I don't care. I doubt it says anything more substantive than that.

The best part though is the video of the recap. Just watch it. That poor girl sounds like she has never seen a baseball game in her life because the video is from one of the Rangers games from last week and she's talking the M's recap. But it syncs up just enough that it sounds like she just has no idea what is really going on.

You know, I really like Larry Granillo
He normally does really fine work. But this piece on Hank Aaron really rubbed me the wrong way. Larry writes that Hammerin' Hank's age-39 season in 1973, in which he hit 40 home runs, was an incredible surprise, and it's cool that fans were able to enjoy such a feat.

Of course, the subtext here is that, 40 years later, we could never enjoy something like that because any old man that does well is going to be hounded by PED allegations. The quote-unquote "Steroid" Era (you have to imagine that line written in yellow ink) has made us all cynical and bitter and unable to appreciate something so magical. But Hank was jacked on amphetamines the whole time. The cognitive dissonance that dominates this conversation will never cease to astound and stupefy me. Still a nice piece though, Larry. I'm just a dick about this kind of thing.

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